Random Thoughts

In life having met some good people and some bad people, I feel that every individual has a lesson to teach. Its like a story which begins with "Once upon a time" and ends with a moral. But somewhere down the lane, the morals are forgotten and so are the stories leaving only blank pages for new ones to be written again!!

Random Thoughts

I dont understand when after a bitter experience people say I cant love anymore or I cant trust anyone again. Meeting someone wrong in your life is like selecting a bunch of grapes out which few turned out to be sour. The question is - Do you stop eating grapes after that??

The mystery called Marriage

For me marriage has always been mystery waiting to unfold. The more I try to unveil it the more it seems to shy away from me.

For a girl it all starts since the day she is born. She is brought up with one gnawing fact to be accepted – Her marriage. Her every act is somehow connected to her marriage. Look beautiful. Study well. Be good at household things. All this and more only for a nice groom.

And then she is put up for display once she attains the marriageable age. Near and dear ones are told about her exceptional cooking skills, her loving and caring nature and not to forget her exemplary educational abilities. Not for once does anyone thing that she might not be all this but has been made like this just to ensure that she is married at the right time to the right person.

Its sounds so hilarious – you can’t laugh out aloud, you can’t display your opinion on any matter, and you can’t sleep till late on Sundays after slogging for the entire week both at home and at office. Some wacky list of Do’s and Don’ts which make me cringe at just the thought of it. And people think it’s difficult to know a woman. How can you know someone who herself doesn’t know what she wants and what she doesn’t?

Imagine a prospective groom being told, “Oh she is very good at dancing. That’s her passion. But she has never handled cooking or any other household activity.” What would be that groom’s reaction? A big fat NO.

What is going on in that girl’s mind? If dancing was so bad; why was I never stopped from pursuing it. I have been doing it since last 17 years and today suddenly for some Mr. XYZ I have to let go of my dream which I have cherished since so long.

I have also witnessed discussions where girls have been told that they should not be short tempered, rude or aggressive in their behaviour. I fail to understand don’t these people know of something called genetics. The mixing of X and Y chromosome leads to a child birth. If X chromosome has a, b, c qualities it’s obvious there are chances that the child will inherit them in genes, the same applies for Y chromosome also. So, if a short tempered father and an outspoken mother have a child, there is huge possibility that the child could be both short tempered and outspoken or any one of it. Does it mean the child is bad? No it means that you reap what you sow!!!! How could your child be all that you are not?

Rather than cursing her flaws why not appreciate her abilities and have trust on your upbringing. Trust that all the values that have been imbibed would definitely make her a good human being above everything else. [With or without cooking…….!] And at the end of the day that is the only thing that matters……

The other thing which also remains a mystery is that how come people expect perfect partners while they themselves are imperfect. I think they must be seeing the world through their rose tinted glasses where everything is just rosy pink and perfect. I think it’s high time they are given a rude wake up call asking them to face the real world where we all have our own share of imperfections and that’s what makes us different. If we all would be perfect we would be just boring duplicates of each other.

The day I manage to get answers for these questions maybe the mystery will be resolved. Till then, here I am hopeful of things revealing itself to me soon…

Forgive, forget and move on………..

“To err is human~ to forgive divine…………..”In my childhood when I had heard this saying for the first time I had concluded that making mistakes in human and forgiving is next to Godliness.

Gradually as I grew up I realized how difficult it is actually to forgive and be forgiven. After being through a series of hurt hurting others I finally concluded that forgiveness is actually divine.

 

Listening someone say “I forgive you”

&

Telling someone “You are forgiven”

These two statements sound so magical to listen; as if a huge burden has been removed from the heart.

But how often do we actually follow it? There are so many instances in life when people hurt us and we are unable to forgive them. And even if we forgive them for the sake of it, we are unable to move on from the incident. It is like an attempt to connect broken pieces of a porcelain cup where though connected, the cracks are clearly visible.

On the other hand when we commit a mistake we expect the other person to understand and forgive our mistake. Is it not unfair to have a separate rulebook to judge other people and another to judge ourselves?

Imagine a person commits a mistake. What is the first thought that comes to your mind? Is it, “He/she is generally not like this, what made him/her do this? OR is it,” Oh my God!!!! What has he/she done? “. I am sure for most of us it’s the later and not the former. Both the reactions are poles apart and reflect the psyche behind our behaviour in dealing with other’s mistakes. Why can’t we accept a simple fact that we as humans have a tendency to err?

The key to strong relationships lies in trusting that person and also accepting that he/she could make mistakes. The question only remains whether we can accept their mistakes and if yes till what extent. By saying forgive, forget and move on I am not asking you to let people take you for a ride again and again and trample on your feelings. A cheating spouse, a dominating friend, a good-for-nothing colleague etc need not be forgiven again and again.

But yes if it is one of an instance where there has been a genuine slip that person deserves another chance. You can’t slaughter the person again and again for a crime committed years back which was already forgiven by you. Either you forgive them and forget things or you don’t forgive them at all. You can’t forgive them and remind them of their mistake at every possible chance making them feel miserable each time. I agree forgiving is not easy and that’s why it is called next to Godliness. But once forgiven the chapter should be closed for the good.

As it is rightly said, “Always keep your self in other person’s shoes to know where exactly it pinches.” The same way give them a benefit of doubt and analyse the situation very calmly before reaching a conclusion; because relationships once broken cannot be mended. Never act in haste and take your own time to decide what is right as it depends on the situation and its repercussions. Once you have decided to forgive that person forgive completely, forget the incident and move on to start a new beginning afresh leaving the past behind.

This gesture might seem insidious but this acts as manure in strengthening the roots of any relationship.

Random Thoughts

Whenever in doubt, think about the possibility of it not happening at all. You will come to know what will result in more losses and that will make the decision easy for you!!!

Truly In Dependence

All of us are in love with our independence. And after we start earning it’s like an added bonanza. Living in different cities away from parents, taking care of ourselves, managing expenses we feel we have made it in life and can be termed as “Independent”. We feel we are survivors and can manage things on our own.

Till yesterday I also belonged to the same school of thought only to realize how wrong we all are…!

“No living person is independent….. Even if you abandon everything and go to stay on the mountains you still need the air to survive. You are dependent on that. You are not independent till you die” – said Osho. This quote of Osho was like a wake up call to me.

Thinking about it…it’s so true…. We are dependant on so many things in our life even when we feel we are independent. We need the milkman to deliver milk to our doorstep, the grocery shop owner to purchase our monthly groceries, the taxi driver, the auto driver, the bus driver, the dabbawala…. The list is endless. From the time we wake up in the morning till the time we sleep at night we take the help of someone or other to perform our duties.

Looking back on it, we are truly in dependence on all this and many more things for our survival. Then why are we so fiercely protective about our “independence”? Or are we protecting something we never had till now?

Interesting point to ponder…….

All for caring companionship!

Companionship is one of the prime reasons why we all should marry. But are we ready for that? The current world has made all of us so individualistic that we want our opinions to be heard and views to be respected but we don’t want to do the same in return. We want our say to retain our identity but we don’t respect others for the same. In short we need someone who is dependable, obedient and gracious.

Oops...Wait. Did it just spell D-O-G???

Interesting thought; I think we all need just exactly that. We are going through all this for the sake of companionship. And who could be better than a DOG as a companion. Just think of the benefits of having a dog in your life:

• No matter whatever screaming or fighting happens in the morning, when you return back home in the evening your dog will definitely come running towards you.
• Whenever you are angry and screaming; your dog will just look at you with those puppy eyes and moan in response.
• When you instruct your dog to do something or even say GET OUT it will abide to it moaning in displeasure. After sometime if you call your dog it will come running towards you.
• A dog never carries a grudge. It only has feelings. NO HARD FEELINGS.
• Incase your dog is upset with you, it takes only a hug and a little bit of pampering to console.

If we adapt few things out of this list trust me our lives would be much happier!! Most of the confusions, fights and problems would be resolved. Life would become so smooth and relationships uncomplicated.

We would be lucky if we are able to find someone who believes in this...but incase we cant , how about trying to be one????

Random Thoughts

Due to my current job profile I get a chance to interact with lot of youngsters. Though I myself am not very old but I find it apt to address them as "Youngsters".

A small conversation with them makes me feel I am ancient and belong to the medieval times!!

I agree life keeps on moving at a fast pace and you have to actually keep running fast to keep up with the speed. But it seems as if I have run out of breadth  and fell out of the race. My first thought is always "I was not like this when I was their age."

A few decades difference in age and views between us and our parents is known as Generation gap. What do you term this less than a decade age gap and difference in views?

Hail the technology and development!!

From there to here to where?

April 2003:“Your self esteem is too high. This will definitely make you fall someday very badly.”

April 2009: “You have no self respect. You let people trample your feelings. You are like puppy who just whines and wimps but doesn’t react to anything.”

Two different statements with meanings which are poles apart for the same person

“ME”

Sounds weird??? But it’s true!!!

One was from an ex-friend [I somehow like that term as we are no longer friends – this was her last conversation with me. P.S: Just to clarify it was she who chose not to talk to me and not the other way round.] The other was from one of my previous superiors.

                                                                                                                     

:) This is the only expression that comes to my mind recollecting both the instances making me wonder which one is true. I can’t help bursting into giggles because apart from these two bitter pills I have never come across to such a feedback. There are so many questions which come to my mind:

Does it mean that I have grown as a person and improved or have I deteriorated?

Are all these people whom I know – both personally and professionally WRONG or are these two “ex-people” correct?

Professionally- when you are in a heated argument with someone, is your non reaction considered to be someone who doesn’t have self respect?

Personally – choosing not to taken for granted and letting people treat you like @$#* makes your self esteem high?

Weird huh!!!

Makes me wonder what self respect and self esteem actually mean and is it all about your own self and nothing at all about people around you.

As per the dictionary meaning:

Self respect means due respect for oneself, one’s character and one’s conduct. And self esteem reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth.

Based on this I feel I definitely have self respect and self esteem and I know my worth. But is there something called as insufficient self respect? What are the parameters to conclude that?

The more I think the more confused I get…… I will wait for this mystery to unveil itself….soon!

Dos and Don’ts of handling an ineffective boss [Part 2]

Having such people at your work place is unavoidable and there is no thumb rule to deal with them. But there are always a set of Do’s and Don’ts which make dealing with them easier.

Do’s

• Respect them for 2 things – their age and position. They definitely would have done something [whether that ‘something’ was good or bad is a separate issue altogether] to be where they are. And therefore need to be respected because they did something different from what you do.
• Always be particular about your work – be it planning, execution, managing or submission.
• Remember that at the end of day no matter whatever they do, however they behave they still remain our boss which gives them an invincible power to do mistakes and get away with it. Not everyone is so lucky!
• Be honest and genuine in giving compliments – I am sure there is something good in everyone for us to learn.
• Take proper precaution to safe guard yourself in all the situations. Come whatever may; leave the blind trust aspect for your loved ones only.
• Read motivational books or take up a hobby to shoo the stress birdies away, or else it will end up affecting your work.
• Most importantly RESPECT YOURSELF.  Every individual has the right to have his/her own independent view about everything – including YOU.

Don’ts

• Avoid flattery – trust me it rarely works.
• Don’t procrastinate ANYTHING
• Never bad mouth your boss with your colleagues as you never know who might be playing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide with you in the office. You can share your frustration with your friends and family members where you don’t carry any risk of being caught on the wrong foot.
• Never give your superiors a chance to find fault with you.
• Never do the mistake of taking things for granted. Tread on every step very cautiously.
• Never share your personal life in public unless you want to become the next big thing in the gossips column.
• Having colleagues as friends is a very good stress buster but having friends as colleagues always leads to trouble. Simply put it’s disastrous. Avoid it.

I agree it’s highly impossible to avoid a catastrophe, but if taken proper precautions at least the degree of damage can be controlled.

And as they say Que Sera Sera….!!!