SALT ~ This week ~Accept
Sometimes in life we are faced with certain problems in life which have no solutions at all. The can just cause us pain and making living difficult for us with their sheer existence. And then there comes a time when it gets too difficult to handle and we crumble under its weight.
One of my friends comes from a broken family and survival for her each day is a battle. She finds it difficult to live with her parents who are constantly fighting with each other over any and everything. She is a CSA survivor and has gone through severe depression in her teenage days owning to all this chaos around her. Her parents have their own independent lives and are happy there. But they simply cannot think of separation for the fear of society. Maybe they don’t notice that their living together is the cause of so much of misery for their children who would have been happier had they decided to separate. All this is leading to nowhere. My friend is scared of a relationship, leave alone marriage. She thinks bitterness is the utmost fact of life and nothing exists beyond that. Love, care and concern are all white lies which we cover ourselves with to make our lives easy.
The first time she spoke to me at length about all this, I just held her hand for two hours as she kept on crying thinking about all the pain she had suffered till now. As she calmed down, I asked her, ‘Can we do something about it?’ She looked at me, teary eyed and replied,’ No… we cannot. Nobody except God can.’
Me: But He has already done what He had to…correct?
She: Yes…He has.
Me: Now it is time for you to do something.
She (confused): WHAT?
Me: Accept all your problems the way they are. The sun in hot, the earth is round. Can we do anything about it? No. You accepted it as a fact and continued with your life. Same ways accept all the faults in your life and move on. Learn from their mistakes and make yourself something you will be proud of. Because of few 1 % bad people you have met in life you cannot doubt the rest 99% people you are yet to meet. You cannot change their life, but you can change yours. That is in your hands.
She burst out into fresh bout of tears and continued crying for a while. After sometime she composed herself, hugged me and left.
Few weeks later she called me to say she had joined a dance class and enrolled for a Masters program she always wanted to do. She added I have taken charge of my life now and I will make the most of it.
Lesson Learnt :Some questions in life are better left unanswered for two reasons – either the answer is not that important for us to know or perhaps we don’t have the strength to accept the answer.
P.S: I know it is easier said than done. But once done, there is no looking back.
P.P.S: I have been there and done that. Hence I know how exactly it feels and where does it hurt the most.
PEPPER ~ This week ~Adapt
As I shared with you all last week sometime we have two new joinees at our office since past 1 month. At our usual coffee break one day I overheard one new joinee cribbing to someone on phone about our office and the way things were. The rant went on and on and on... I was getting tired so I left from there pretending as if I had not heard anything at all. ( On a separate note I sometimes wonder how those listeners can be so patient... I simply cannot stand cribbers!!)
I bumped into the other new joinee just a few steps away. Curiosity made me ask him how was he coping with his new job.He smiled and replied,' Oh it is simply wonderful. I am enjoying each and every moment here.I am learning so many new things which I never knew before.'
Now the wicked Me was tempted to ask him about the atrocities the other new joinee was talking about. So I Ms. Smart pants, asked him very sweetly,' What do you think about XYZ....ABC..listing all the things I had just heard.'
He said,' Oh that. I am trying to cope up with it' I was taken aback. I asked, 'What?' He continued, 'When I was small my grandfather had told me one day It is better to cover your feet than expect the whole world to be covered with a carpet. I remember those lines day in and out. I agree there are some loopholes here, but who does not. Even I am not perfect. I am trying to adapt myself to my surroundings so that I am able to give my best here. By making myself rigid I will create problems for my own self , as this will affect me everywhere I go. Why not change it here itself!'
I continued staring at him awestruck. That guy turned to go when he stopped midway and told me ' Don't think too highly of me. I just repeated what my grandfather had taught me. The day I can think of something like this myself will I consider it all worthwhile.'
And I kept standing there in the corridor with a huge grin on my face and loads of respect for this young man!
Lesson Learnt :Expecting everything around you to change as per your whims and fancies is very impractical. Being adaptive is the key to succeed.