Random: Coping with loss
Recently when a friend was going through this phase I saw how everyone had the same advice to give her, "Stay strong. This happens with everyone. Nothing is permanent. This too shall pass. Hold on, go with the flow..." Well you get the gist. The list was long, full of dos and donts most of which didn't make sense to me.
Because, for starters, why does pain need to be same for everyone? And when pain cannot be the same then how can the method to cope with it same? Also, by asking someone to stay strong are we saying they are not allowed to be weak? Or cry and mourn their loss? Why would we do that?
Why do we tell someone to not mourn or cry, to stay strong and look ahead when actually that means they hide their pain causing it to become a pain point forever when actually if given time to heal this very pain could help you stride ahead in life. It is extremely important to accept what your body, mind and soul are feeling and embrace those feelings. And that is when the real healing starts.
If I were to give advice to someone who has recently experienced loss then it would be this,
"Cry, mourn, be angry, if need be shout, scream, abuse and do everything that you feel is an expression of your anger. It is justifiable to be angry and feel cheated. It is okay to feel let down in life after all that has happened. It is okay to feel disappointed and not want to live anymore. Holding on and letting go are two important choices we make in life and it is equally crucial to know what to do when. So you decide what all you want to hold on and what you want to let go.
Never let anyone tell you how much mourning is enough and how much crying is right. There is nothing known as perfect mourning. We mourn for the pain we feel within, for that emptiness that gnaws our soul, for that hurt that threatens to tear us apart. And nobody knows when we will stop feeling all of these.
Your pain is yours to feel, accept and embrace. You could take hours, days, weeks, months or years to do so and THAT is completely okay. Once you accept it fully, you will be able to heal yourself. The healing starts with the acceptance.
Don't be in a rush to become strong or feel scared to cry. Don't rush to move on because someone told you it is enough of mopping around. Don't push yourself to do something you do not wish to do. Don't stop yourself from doing all that you want to do. And when you are done, keep striding ahead as if there is not tomorrow!"