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Showing posts from 2019

If wishes were horses...

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Life is all about wishes. We wish for something and we get something else, only to realise that perhaps we were wishing for this more than what we thought we were. If you have been following my blog since inception (Ah! That sounds so technical!) But you get the sense of it right? If you have been here for a while you will know that I have had my own share of 'claim to fame' moments when I got published in anthologies and then ofcourse my solo collection Metro Diaries 1 & 2. After that of course things have been quiet for the longest now and honestly, I have no clue when I will have something huge to announce. THAT is actually the reason behind this post.

Timeless Love (Flash Fiction)

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"Where is Baba?" Amayra asked immediately after entering the house.
"He is watching some documentary on the television." Her mother replied nonchalantly before going back to the kitchen.

Bittersweet memories - Cake (Not a movie review)

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In the recent few years, I am glad to have found movies on dysfunctional families which tell me, I am not alone. To be honest, though perfectly happy families were good to watch on screen, after a point they would hurt. For they seemed to be reminders of all the good things missing from your life. Worse, they left you with tons of expectations that would seldom get fulfilled. These movies have given me a sense of belongingness, one that I could rarely find in movies till now. And am so glad to have finally discovered them.I am attempting to write what one of the many movies I have loved made me feel. Cannot be called a review or a critic. It is more of a monologue on why I loved this movie.

Yaadon ka Karkhana # 2 - Movies & Magic

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2017 was the year I spent most of the time lying in my bed. One after another several health issues kept hitting, rendering my unable to do anything much except sleep and mop around in bed. While I did spend most of it shedding copious tears, but once I was bored of doing that I decided to watch movies. Because holding books at times is an effort, music seems like noise and you feel like staring at something on the screen which distracts you from your current surroundings. After books if there is anything that has the magical power to tele-transport you, then it has to be movies.

Confessions Diary (Flash Fiction)

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It's been more than a year I have been writing these confessions and it somehow feels very therapeutic. Starting from my addictions to all the fist fights at the college, writing them down has helped me see myself in a different light.

From the attic of memories ~ Day # 6 (On survival)

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2009

Wake up Sid had released. As a movie it was dreamy and as a concept it felt so close to heart. I had set my foot in Mumbai for the first time as a child and had fallen in love with this city of dreams. 2004, I was back to this city. This time as an adult for an interview which was typically my first solo trip ever. This city has remained to me what I like to call my first love. You might break up and go however far you want, but there is a strange solace that you experience only here. In the next few years I was making frequent work trips to this magical city and every trip added more smiles to my dreary existence. 

My love for Mumbai was what made this movie special because Mumbai is the narrator of this story. I have always believed this city breathes and this movie makes me hear its heartbeats in those tiny stories that come together to define Mumbai, a city with a heart. The most amazing part of this movie for me has to be the beautiful house Konkana Sen Sharma is shown livin…

Inspired Inscribes ~ 38

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There is a story hidden within each one of us. Waiting to be told, carefully hidden behind those cracks and crevices. It beckons you from those dark deep corners... especially in those long nights, ones that are lonely and scary.

Hello anxiety!

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**(Trigger Warning: Anxiety attack / Panic attacks)**
In a recent conversation with a friend, I realized how living with anxiety is somehow in-describable in words. So this is an attempt to do that!

Bookish Musings # 3

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“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfill themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. 

Note to Self: Monday Motivation

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Because there will never be enough reminders in life - to love, laugh, live and most importantly be kind to your self before spreading it to people around you!



Counting years

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I turned a year older last week and it has been one of the most free-feeling birthday I have had in decades. Being born under an inauspicious star, the stigma associated with birthdays refused to leave me till I left the house for further studies. But as fate would have had it, I ended up with someone who was equally conservative about birthdays, dates, birth stars and the auspiciousness around it. It didn't take me that long to walk out of it as much as it took me to heal myself of all those accusations and learn how to celebrate myself.

This year, I got myself gifts after a decade or so of mourning. The minimalist me went shopping for clothes and lucky me, I found a perfect birthday dress in my size within half an hour. (Believe me when I say this, it is no mean feat to find something that I want in my size and THIS for me was a sign from the universe that it is high time I let go of everything that was and embrace everything that is to celebrate everything that will be!)

Someone Somewhere

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Someone somewhere will always find you not enough Someone somewhere will see you as a failure Someone somewhere will always manage to find faults in you Someone somewhere will think you are incapable of doing anything right Someone somewhere will assume you are wrong

Of Skin & Scars

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What happens when you wear the cloak of loneliness for too long?
It becomes your second skin.
So much so that people ignore it completely. Only you know how uncomfortable you are in it. Every time you face yourself in the mirror a volcano of feelings erupts in your mind. Slowly, starting from the pit of your stomach the lava travels to your chest, warming up the alleys as it goes upwards. After setting your heart on fire, it then reaches for your eyes from where the lava threatens to leak before engulfing your entire body in its heat wave... leaving you with no choice but to burn with agony in it.
The agony of being lonely. The agony of left unseen. Unheard. Unknown. 



Gratitude Post # 4 - April 2019

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This month I am grateful for a lot of things in general, though there is also a specific list but I would rather share this one here before sharing the other one later perhaps. So without much ado, here's the list of things I am grateful for:

From the attic of memories ~ Day # 5 (On sharing)

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In the last few months, there have been atleast two instances where people felt let down only because I did not share enough with them. And the first thought that came to my mind was this;



It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” ― Erma Bombeck

Since the time I began understanding the importance of friends and relationships, I have been struggling to make decent friends. It is after many years that I came to know it had to do with my childhood trauma as I had somewhere ceased trusting people, and worst, trusting my own self too. Believe me it was a humongous task to make my self believe in me, know that I will not let myself down and though my therapist says I have done a brilliant job, I still feel I have a long way to go.



Maybe few years down the line when I have healed myself more, I might be able to reach out and help others heal. Today when I am hurting so bad, I can barely see myself helping someone heal let alone being a good support system. In the rec…

Gratitude Post # 3 - March 2019

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It's a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.” ― Germany Kent


From the attic of memories ~ Day # 4 (On Writing)

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Not many moons ago, I was selected for a Creative Writing Workshop. It was one of the reputed ones in the country with award winning faculty and had authors whom I had read and loved as teachers. For me, getting selected was like a dream come true and though the short notice meant a huge hole in my savings I was still excited about it. For me it was an opportunity of a lifetime and so I went, feeling proud of having been selected from so many applicants and hopeful that from here, my dream of writing that novel will turn a reality soon. 'I am worth it!' rang in my ears loud and clear.

From the attic of memories ~ Day # 3 (On being strong)

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"You are a strong girl!"
I grew up listening to this often. More as a means to quieten me rather than a compliment. Every time I threw a tantrum, I cried, I failed, I got hurt - these words were there to remind me that I was not supposed to be weak. Or, should I say, I was not allowed to be weak.

Metro Diaries - The Last Kiss (Final Part)

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Read the previous partsPart 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
As he was about to talk to Jumainaa young girl entered the hall. “This is Preeti.” Kamalatai introduced here. After Kamalatai, Jumaina or Jumainappa as everyone else called her, was the oldest. She was reed thin with eyes that were bulging out. Her skin was brackish as if burnt by accident and her smile was hollow. She was a beauty once upon a time and a mysterious illness had rendered her like this. She had a miscarriage after which she was never same again. As of now she took care of these girls, cooked, mopped the floors and cleaned the house. She was also the go-to person for any medical advises.

Metro Diaries - The Last Kiss (Part #3)

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Read the previous parts: Part 1 | Part 2

A runaway child, dreams of becoming an actress and a whole lot of drama lay behind that sly face. One after another she called the other girls to speak to him. They not only shared their backgrounds but also talked about the strange people they keep meeting day in and day out. Rahul knew they were not revealing their real names, but that didn’t matter at all. What mattered was that they were talking from their heart and he could see that in their eyes. He was happy to be that window to the outside world for them when he patiently answered all their questions about his life with a huge smile.

From the attic of memories ~ Day # 2 (On healing)

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Today, yet again... 

Someone made fun of my illness.  Someone mocked at the abuse I have been through in life.  Someone laughed at the trauma I faced and the therapies I took to heal myself.  Someone giggled at the fierceness with which I continue facing life thinking I am my own super hero. 

Metro Diaries - The Last Kiss (Part #2)

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Read the previous part: Part 1


His entire life till now was a perfect example of survival of the fittest. You are enough in everything and anything you do in this world. Others are here to serve as a distraction so that they reach their goals before yours and become winners. These were some of the beliefs he had fondly cherished in his heart, practiced and at times preached too without much success. It wasn’t that he was not capable of getting attention. On the contrary he actually gathered a lot of it wherever he went blame it on his devil-may-care attitude or his deep brown eyes which sang songs of love and longing to any heart that cared to listen. It was his heart that never cared for any attention. All he craved for was solitude. 
*-*-*-* 

Gratitude Post # 2- February 2019

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Yet another month has gone by and I spent the last one week thinking about what all things am I grateful for in February. After a lot of thinking, here's what I have concluded:

Metro Diaries - The Last Kiss (Part #1)

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Rahul stood at the station waiting for his train with extreme patience. All of 27 Rahul had spent most of his life waiting and hence was very used to it. Born to very successful parents his childhood was spent in waiting for them to come home. His teenage got lost as he waited for them to notice him. And now that he was grown up he waited for trains and planes to keep running away from his so called life in an attempt to find life.

Metro Diaries : Five minutes

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Sharada stood at the balcony staring at the pitch dark sky aimlessly. Tonight there was no moon and due to clouds even the stars weren’t visible clearly. Not something she would have wanted, but then she had no choice. With fatigue clearly writ on her face the starless sky seemed to reflect her agony so well. 
Darkness is what she felt deep inside her heart, as if some strange power was pulling her into an abyss from where there was no coming back. She felt utterly helpless not knowing what to do. Was life such a burden for all, she wondered. As the cool gust of wind touched her body before passing ahead, her mind traveled back in time when such nights were synonymous with exams.


From the attic of memories ~ Day # 1 (On belonging)

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The world needs someone they can admire from a distance; from a very far distance.Michael Bassey Johnson
I am a Gemini which makes change an eternal part of my nature. I need a change in life as frequently as one changes their bed-sheets (Guilty as charged!) And by change I mean change in the menu for breakfast and dinner or maybe layout of my living room, the arrangement of my bookshelf or my clothes rack. At times, it goes to the extent of changing the color of walls, the curtains, the decor and such intricate details as well which is a rarity.

Gratitude Post # 1- January 2019

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"Learning to consciously practice gratitude can change your life."
Since last 2 years I have been trying to count my blessings as a step towards inner healing and the results have been deeply satisfying. For the first year I wrote letters to all the people I felt had either been hurt by me or had hurt me in some way. The letters were never sent but those 365 letters changed how I saw people around me and also the way I saw my own behavior.
For the second year, I wrote 365 letters to myself because I felt I needed to be reminded of the love I was blessed with, the good things need to be around for keepsakes. Those 365 letters were such an amazing gift to myself at the end of the year and it did wonders for my confidence. 
This year I decided to document my gratitude journal on this blog so that I can count my blessings and remind myself of the goodness I am surrounded with, despite it all. Though a little late I want to start this journey today with a heart full of hope that…