Letter to my ex

A lazy Saturday afternoon , I was chilling with few friends over chilled lemonade when the conversation drifted towards best-selling author Nikita Singh's soon to release book Letters to my Ex.

Strangely irrespective of the way the relationship had ended, we all had something or the other to say to our ex. There could have more than one relationships in our lives, but there is always that one person who changes us. That one person from whom our heart refuses to move on, even after decades. That one person who can still make your heart skip a beat. That one person who spoke to your soul, like no one ever did or will. There is often a lot left unsaid in relationships, maybe that causes the misunderstanding too as we expect to be understood without saying anything which doesn't happen all the time.

Source: Odyssey

As the book blurb says, " Most love stories have their share of misunderstandings, angry tears and hurdles - only for longing and faith to save the day and make for a happily ever after. Most love stories - but not all. Not the ones that end with hearts left broken, their shards lost under the weight of all that is left unsaid. In these powerful yet quiet letters of looking for closure, Nikita Singh explores the what-ifs, whys and what-could- have-beens; words demanding, with grace and dignity and passion, a salve for what only time may heal. From the bestselling author of Like a Love Song and Every Time It Rains, here’s a story of heartbreak and things left unsaid, articulated through letters, channeling in their nostalgic charm, making for a fitting medium of expression in this novel which is distinct in form and marks the author as a master of her craft."

All this led me to attempt writing one letter of my own, capturing the thoughts of all my friends in that discussion.  

To You,

Today I was in your city. After all these years of fighting an internal battle I finally came there. I kept looking for you the moment I stepped in. Those dusty by lanes, crowded markets, tall rising buildings touching the sky, never ending lines of traffic, honking music all around - I just wanted one glimpse of those familiar looking eyes, those very eyes that had shown me so many beautiful dreams. As the day started I was very confident that by evening I will find you somewhere sitting quietly in a corner with your blue diary and a pen in hand waiting to conjure magic through your words. 

Every step I took was anticipation mixed with anxiety. The sun set today evening taking along a lot of my hopes. I could not find you. You were lost just the way you had told me you will be; never to be found again. I felt a sense of emptiness within me as if a part of me was lost once again... and the gnawing pain within which had reduced in the past few days became as good as new. Time did not play the healer it had promised to play. But then promises are meant to be broken aren't they. The way you broke yours and I broke mine.

Source: Chobirdokan

You went away never to return and I died never to live again. The twinkling stars began to peep out lighting up the dark way I was taking to go back when a cool gust of wind blew past by and I suddenly felt your fragrance. When that breeze ruffled my hair I felt it was you touching me the way you do. Every breath I took I felt you there. When I spread my arms I felt hugged and the serenity that engulfed me was metaphorical. Perhaps this is what I was looking for all this while! I returned back home not knowing that a piece of my heart was left behind never to be called mine now. 

Once inside the safe confines of my room I could not hold it any longer. The dam broke finally. I was holding it too tightly perhaps till now as the moment it broke everything around got flooded. I cried like a child. I cried with everything that I had within me. It felt as if every fiber of my being was shedding tears. I cried for the love we had or so I thought. I cried for what was and what could have been. I cried for what is and what could not be. I cried for a corpse that was long dead. I cried for a heart that did not remember being whole. I cried for that part of me which would never be the same again. I cried for the hollow feeling inside which would never be filled again. I cried for you. I cried for me. I cried for us.

And with this today I bury that part in me which held you till now.

From

Me

 -*-*-*-

Nikita Singh as an author needs no introduction.She is the bestselling author of ten novels, including Every Time It Rains and Like a Love Song. She is also a contributing writer to The Backbenchers series and the editor of two collections of short stories, 25 Strokes of Kindness and The Turning Point. Born in Patna and raised in Indore, Nikita worked in the book publishing industry in New Delhi for a few years before moving to New York for her MFA in Creative Writing (Fiction) at The New School. Nikita lives in Manhattan, where she does digital content and marketing for a solar energy company. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram (@singh_nikita) or on Facebook. You can pre-order her latest release HERE.