Gratitude Post # 1- January 2019

Source: Medium
"Learning to consciously practice gratitude can change your life."

Since last 2 years I have been trying to count my blessings as a step towards inner healing and the results have been deeply satisfying. For the first year I wrote letters to all the people I felt had either been hurt by me or had hurt me in some way. The letters were never sent but those 365 letters changed how I saw people around me and also the way I saw my own behavior.

For the second year, I wrote 365 letters to myself because I felt I needed to be reminded of the love I was blessed with, the good things need to be around for keepsakes. Those 365 letters were such an amazing gift to myself at the end of the year and it did wonders for my confidence. 

This year I decided to document my gratitude journal on this blog so that I can count my blessings and remind myself of the goodness I am surrounded with, despite it all. Though a little late I want to start this journey today with a heart full of hope that by the end of this year my definition of life gets clearer.

1. You are my hero
Image Source: Clipart Library
A total stranger I managed to acquaint on Twitter told me this one day and in that moment I realized how unaware I am about people's perception about me. He knew my journey and I knew his, I admired him for his strengths but he felt I had come a long way. And his words, made me think that perhaps I truly have. Because this year I got more than one signs that I have healed.

How often do we underestimate the power of a kind word, a heartfelt compliment or a warm hug! We all are warriors in our way, fighting our own battles and such words fuel the zeal to keep fighting further.

2. Pen friend

Source: The Pen Company
I made a pen friend through Instagram last year which is weirdly funny because the year before that I cut off from all the people I called friends. I had read somewhere, if you want to see your worth stop being the first person to text/call/message. I tried it with friends and family both only to realize that I felt they were close because I was holding them tightly. The moment I let that grip loosen up a bit, they made a dash. Was I sad? No. 

People did not want to make efforts for friends. So I decided to stop crossing oceans for people who did not want to jump even a puddle for me. Though I need to add here, there are a handful of people or to be precise 3 people in my life for whom am willing to cross oceans and jump continents to be by their side at the drop of a hat and nothing can change that. Perhaps, for me, they are in the "Worth it all" category.

Coming back to my pen friend, am so lucky to have found her. This friendship is with zero expectations and the letters are full of everything from books to movies, from star gazing to broken hearts, from city walks to passion, from career to wall decals - I love writing to her and reading her letters. There are nights when I sit with a bunch of them and read all of them slowly, as if trying to feel every single word behind it. She made me realize am such a sucker for deep, meaningful conversations. I hate the small talk which hold no significance and mostly done out of some need. I no longer want to be needed like that I guess. So her letter sent this month is up high on my gratitude list.

3. Action-Reaction
Image Source: Max Pixel

Like I said I have been working hard on myself - physically, mentally and emotionally. Using delete, block, remove, mute buttons liberally I have been doing it in real life too. From someone who used to sit through uncomfortable conversations without any reactions out of fear of being left out, I have now become a person who politely says "I do NOT like being spoken to like that!" before walking out of such conversations. This courage feels new and kind of scary. But then I remember reading somewhere,

A woman was talking to a counselor of how she feels unheard everywhere - workplace, home, family friends. In turn the counselor had asked her, "Are you being loud enough?"

She was totally taken aback, "What do you mean?"

To which the counselor simply said, "You cannot complain of being unheard when you are barely audible.Every body has different hearing capacity and maybe it is time you change your tone, making it loud to be heard by one and all."

I have been also complaining for the longest that people do not seem to understand but the point that I always missed was - Did I try to explain properly to them?

Perhaps, this was my way of explaining!

Recently I met an old acquaintance after close to six years and the first thing he had to say was about my weight. To my own surprise my immediate reaction was, "Uncle, you have seen me after 6 years today and if my weight is the first thing you notice about me then I don't wish to be a part of this conversation any more." And I was about to walk away when he tried to mutter something to the tune of "Your dress is beautiful!" which made me turn around and talk to him further. 

I like the confidence I have managed to gather, even if it to say NO to things I do not like or am uncomfortable about. I am no longer ashamed of things associated with me and that pride shows through. THIS is surely a huge blessing for me! Because as one of my closest friend said - This is the result of all your hard work.

That's all to start with, here's looking forward to what February has to bring my way and shall share it here soon.

Hope 2019 has been kind to you so far and continues to be so!

Love and light,

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