Metro Diaries : Forsaken Dreams
This post is a Spicy Saturday Pick this week
The darkness of the night seemed to come alive with the darkness of my life. Falling dusk felt like those false promises I had been given till now – colourful yet short-lived. Star studded sky reminding me of all those evenings we had spent together made it more difficult for me to sit in the house.
Loneliness had engulfed me in its arms completely as I moved out for a short walk in the neighbourhood. If nothing else it might just help being nowhere. The very house that had given me a sense of belonging today felt alien. “Strange are the ways of love, unprecedented joy one moment and depths of the abyss of pain the next!” I mused walking briskly towards the sole place that I could call my own.
Natasha Sabarwal or Nutty as the world calls me was looking for some serious answers tonight. I stared at the sky and in a seemingly threatening tone said, “And you better give them all to me!” Catching up with my breath as the chill in the air kept increasing I finally reach my secret hideout. A trunk of a fallen tree since the time I could remember was inviting me there. It was a place I used to come even as a child every time I was upset. And today I was more than upset. Or perhaps I wasn’t.
Finally I and Raj broke off today. After 5 long years of a seemingly committed relationship we called it off. Or rather he did. He suddenly realised that we wanted different things from life and hence could no longer be together. I had seen this coming since a long time, but somehow didn’t want to acknowledge it. Maybe I feared being called the one who broke off in a relationship. Somehow this broken away from tag feels good and safe.
Just then a star fell from the sky making my heart skip a beat. “Make a wish!’ my heart reasoned with my mind. “ Shut up! All this nonsense leads to nowhere.” Snapped my mind back. My heart still tried to whimper, “But a falling star always makes a dream come true. Why don’t you try letting go of a dream here, maybe it will help you ease the pain.”
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I thought of all the rosy dreams of a future I had seen with Raj. Of being a bride, having kids, growing old with him hand in hand, having a small house of our own and looking back at life with a smile at the age of 50. Today it all seemed worthless. I closed my eyes tightly as fresh tears began to flow freely.
For few moments everything came to a standstill around and the only thing that could be heard were my sobs. After a long time, the tears suddenly stopped and I felt a strange sense of calm engulf me. Letting go of a dream seems so strangely liberating. You no longer have the burden of making them come true.
A falling star had finally made my wish come true, it eased my pain as it took away the broken remnants of my dreams making space for new ones to be built. I smiled and got up from there , gathering all that I had with me together to trace back my steps to that place I called home from being nowhere. And yes I did get my answers too. It was as simple as ," It wasn't meant to be!"