Confessions of a confused soul: Dear Santa

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Source: Google Images

Dear Santa, 

It’s the same time of the year, the same you, the same me and the same letter… but it is what is in the letter that is different!

From the time when I used to send you my huge wish lists to the time when I used to write my secret dreams to you, asking if you make at least one of them come true , today when I sit down to write this letter I feel I have come a long way. I have always felt that you have answered all that I have ever asked you for, maybe not immediately but you have, quietly reminding me in your own special way that “I am loved.” 

I faintly remember our secret meeting last year, behind that large tree in the backyard. Out of the entire conversation all I remember is your words, “Listen to your heart, or one day it will stop telling you anything. Listening to one’s heart is magical because heart knows no reasoning. It just knows what you desire badly enough to make you want it and it just gives a voice to those desires. ” After that you left me with a tender hug and believe me when I say nothing can match that warmth till date. This entire year all I did was to pay heed to your advice and I am so glad I did. 

I met people, added some new ones, removed some old ones, walked out of all toxic people and places, cleared the garbage ( in every sense – emotional baggage, mental stress!), struck off so many things on my wish list – all because I chose to do what you wanted me to do. I cannot thank you enough for leaving with those words, just when I was on the verge of a break down your words provided me the much needed solace.Every time I faced any situation which needed a decision to be made I would remind myself about your words.

Source: Google Images
What else would you say on seeing the way I quit my job! 10 years of a flourishing career and just 6 months back I was awarded the Outstanding Customer Service Award. There was no reason for me to call it quits at this juncture where the next Big Leap was just waiting for me around the corner. But I did. I did because I had enough of compromising on my ethics, losing out on credits and being made to feel low of myself. All this while I was consoling myself and pushing things to the brink where finally I collapsed. And when I saw around there was no one who would extend their hand to help me get up. That is when I realized, it is always about “I” and it is time I do that too. 

There was an internal battle of being selfish, something which I never wanted to be. That is when you sent me a signal in the form of a friend’s advice, “Being selfish is never wrong, being self centered is. In today’s world everyone is selfish for that is the only way to survival. How much, is what defines you as a person. Hurting the other person in self defense and saving yourself from further hurt are the only two choices we have when we are hurt. Which one we choose makes us what we are.” 

I am so excited about our meeting this year, I cannot wait to hug you again and thank you in person. Unlike last year I hope you remember what I had asked from you as a gift – that red type writer your Secret Elf Crabby uses. It is so beautiful! I can imagine running my fingers on it and then sitting down to write my dream story.

If you were to ask me whether I was good or bad, I won’t be able to reply to that for I really don’t know. All I know is I was right, for there is nothing that happened in this year which I would have wanted to do any other way than this and that is a mean feat for me.

P.S: Don’t be late; I will be waiting at our secret place – same time, same day! 

Love & Hugs,

N 

(Duly Stamped) - For Last time you got away claiming you never got my letter!
Source: Google Images


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