From the attic of memories ~ Day # 7 (On talking)
In the last few years, my ability to hold conversations has gone down. Initially it scared me, because I am a chatter box (Or should I now say, WAS a chatter box). My activity on WhatsApp has gone down to abysmal and so have my phone calls. I hate making or receiving calls. Worse, unexpected phone calls even from people I know give my anxiety.
As usual I turned to books and my healer for answers and what I learnt was this~
"At times in life, we leave behind an older self to embrace a newer self. It could mean habits, places, people and nature. This is a sign of nothing else but growth. You crave for something more deeper, more saner and more meaningful. You want to talk beyond the usual hello's and hi's. You want to talk about the stars, the moon, a story that made you cry or a song that made you smile. You want to talk about life.
How about those multicolour roses you had bought in CBD, Sydney or that old man in Varanasi who had gifted you a fistful of flowers simply because you asked him if was okay looking at his frowning face. Or share that traditional recipe you managed to master at first attempt and have been so proud of it since then that you make it every week.
Maybe that movie, which left me scared and disturbed. For it was too real, the nightmares or the ugliness it held were from my life. That was the saddest part of it but the best part was- those 'were' a part of my life and I 'am' right now, away from all of it.
You want to tell about the star studded sky you slept beneath one night and how it changed you in uncountable ways. You need to talk about that old man, who lives in a small house in the outskirts of the city and gave you one of the most meaningful conversation on life and travels that lonely night, without sharing a common language.
About that old lady who lives alone in the mountains and was your host when you were biking in Ladakh. You want to talk about her sheep, the food she served and the stories she shared. You want to talk about the dried flowers hidden in those pages of your diary and the places you go them from. You want to share the secrets of living in the moment you learnt while on your road trip. You want it all or nothing."
And THAT is nothing but the truth. I don't want to know 'How are you?'. I want to actually feel 'How are you?'. Why, you may ask and to that I say this:
"It is always said, we need someone who can see our dreams and help us make them come true. But I believe, we all need someone in our life who can see our nightmares, the demons that exist only in our mind but are a part of our reality. We need someone to see our fears, our guilt and our vulnerabilities. We need someone to hold our hand despite all this and whisper quietly, 'You got it! I am there with you. You will overcome these fears. Have faith."
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