Metro Diaries - Confessions of a 20-something confused soul ~2

“Every little girl needs to be told- she is beautiful “my mouse seemed to be stuck on this picture as I was randomly scrolling on my FB feeds. It took me back to my childhood when I was a 5 year old and it was my birthday. I was feeling on top of the world. I had got a red frock after a lot of tantrums. And I was beaming with a pride that only a 5 year old could understand. 

The whole room was decorated with balloons and ribbons, my friends had begun to arrive. The next moment they would admire my double decker cake and then of course see my new dress! But before I could bask in them, I heard one of my mom’s friends say “Why have you bought this for her? It does not suit her.” That was enough to burst the balloon of my joy.

Being told that you are ugly is a something I came to grow up with. People would come and tell my mother she has beautiful eyes but just that nose you see, it kills her charm. I wonder who gave these people the right to comment on someone’s looks like this especially when they themselves are no Greek Gods in the looks department.

I grew up feeling very conscious about the way I look well till the time I reached my teens. For that is when I added a new word to my vocabulary love. And it said that when someone loved you, you became beautiful. Now my entire focus shifted from being beautiful to being loved.

Unfortunately all the men who loved me never made me feel beautiful. I don’t know if something was wrong at their end or at mine, all I knew I did not feel anything remotely closer to being beautiful. I crossed my teens and entered my troublesome twenties being at the most apt age for a girl to get married!

I suddenly came into the limelight with my looks becoming the most important thing in this world after survival. My weight, my figure, my habits, the way I walked, the length of my hair, my skin regime… everything about me was the most discussed as I was labeled as “available” in the marriage market. And the feeling being ugly seeped in deeper!

Source: Google Images
Till the time I turned 25 I was a serious mess suffering from severe inferiority complex. And all I had was questions all around me. It is said that when you ask a question repeatedly you somehow get the answer in some form or other. And answers I did get.

Around that time I joined a self help course very reluctantly for obvious reasons.  I just didn’t want to interact with people anymore and be reminded about my ugliness. I had began to dislike human interaction like plague. But I was in for some surprise.

Surprisingly enough for me I enjoyed those 3 days course like anything as I seemed to enjoy this interaction. Just when I had began to accept myself with my ugliness I got another surprise. On the last day of our course we were handed out paper plates which we were supposed to hold on our backs. And each one was supposed to write a compliment on that for you.

The type and amount of compliments I received left me flabbergasted. “Your smile is bright enough to lighten up the whole room”“You come across as a lively person with a cute smile” “Ms. Charming”…were some of the words written there. Amidst all the ugliness I never realized that there is a beautiful part within me too. These people reminded me how a completely unknown person sees me amidst a crowd and it left me feeling elated.

That day I learnt I am beautiful. We all are born beautiful but sadly we forget it and constantly need reminders about it. It is like reminding a word what its true meaning it! People might explain that word in any manner they want to but that does not change the meaning of the word. That’s how we are. Since that day every-time I see my reflection I remind myself of my real definition and not what others define me as!

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