Forgive, forget and move on………..
“To err is human~ to forgive divine…………..”In my childhood when I had heard this saying for the first time I had concluded that making mistakes in human and forgiving is next to Godliness.
Gradually as I grew up I realized how difficult it is actually to forgive and be forgiven. After being through a series of hurt hurting others I finally concluded that forgiveness is actually divine.
Listening someone say “I forgive you”
Telling someone “You are forgiven”
These two statements sound so magical to listen; as if a huge burden has been removed from the heart.
But how often do we actually follow it? There are so many instances in life when people hurt us and we are unable to forgive them. And even if we forgive them for the sake of it, we are unable to move on from the incident. It is like an attempt to connect broken pieces of a porcelain cup where though connected, the cracks are clearly visible.
On the other hand when we commit a mistake we expect the other person to understand and forgive our mistake. Is it not unfair to have a separate rulebook to judge other people and another to judge ourselves?
Imagine a person commits a mistake. What is the first thought that comes to your mind? Is it, “He/she is generally not like this, what made him/her do this? OR is it,” Oh my God!!!! What has he/she done? “. I am sure for most of us it’s the later and not the former. Both the reactions are poles apart and reflect the psyche behind our behaviour in dealing with other’s mistakes. Why can’t we accept a simple fact that we as humans have a tendency to err?
The key to strong relationships lies in trusting that person and also accepting that he/she could make mistakes. The question only remains whether we can accept their mistakes and if yes till what extent. By saying forgive, forget and move on I am not asking you to let people take you for a ride again and again and trample on your feelings. A cheating spouse, a dominating friend, a good-for-nothing colleague etc need not be forgiven again and again.
But yes if it is one of an instance where there has been a genuine slip that person deserves another chance. You can’t slaughter the person again and again for a crime committed years back which was already forgiven by you. Either you forgive them and forget things or you don’t forgive them at all. You can’t forgive them and remind them of their mistake at every possible chance making them feel miserable each time. I agree forgiving is not easy and that’s why it is called next to Godliness. But once forgiven the chapter should be closed for the good.
As it is rightly said, “Always keep your self in other person’s shoes to know where exactly it pinches.” The same way give them a benefit of doubt and analyse the situation very calmly before reaching a conclusion; because relationships once broken cannot be mended. Never act in haste and take your own time to decide what is right as it depends on the situation and its repercussions. Once you have decided to forgive that person forgive completely, forget the incident and move on to start a new beginning afresh leaving the past behind.
This gesture might seem insidious but this acts as manure in strengthening the roots of any relationship.