Do & Measure ~ This week


SALT ~ This week ~ Do 

Three years ago one of my college friends stopped speaking to me. (I guess by now I would have set some record in losing friends :) - but no complains whatsoever for they all left me with some wonderful lessons !) Her reason was very simple – she called me more than I called her and she did not like that. Hence she decided to stop speaking to me altogether, refusing to even answer my calls / messages.

I tried to reason it out to her that though we studied accountancy in school and college I find it very difficult to maintain balance sheets in real life. So many calls received, so many calls made, so many messages read, so many messages sent – I cannot do this. I call you when I feel like and not because you called me sometime back. This is how it should be, rather than being a formality being completed right? In reply to this she disconnected the line, never to pick it up again.

I have come across many such people, who do things merely for the sake of reciprocating. The moment you stop doing something they stop reciprocating. And I fail to understand that. I have very simple logic to apply. Do you like / love someone because that person wants to be liked/loved? The answer is NO. We do it because we want to. Then why can’t we call / message / meet / hug / talk when we want to. Why do we reduce our relationships to mere books of accounts where every credit has to be met with a debit entry and vice versa?

In trying to maintain this balance what remains is formality in the relationship devoid of any love, care or concern. When you bring in such calculations, you make a simple thing complex not only for yourself but for the other person too. As it is relationships are very fragile, more so when you burden them with such heavy things, they are bound to collapse under the weight of expectations. And when things are done as a part of formality the receiver can feel the coldness as there is not warmth involved. There is a possibility that many people might not agree with this thought as these days " I scratch your back and you scratch mine " has become very omnipresent. That is the T & C on which everything seems to work. But I feel otherwise.


Having said all of the above - I still strongly stand by what I have always said - Love as an emotion demands reciprocation, otherwise it dies a slow death in the hands of time. I would not qualify calling /messaging / mailing as love for it is a gesture to express your love. Not love itself. It is this gesture which requires a push, and rest everything falls into place. When you call someone ,that person is happy and talks to you nicely - that is reciprocation of love. I agree you might not feel like doing something for a person who does not reciprocate your emotions. But losing someone with whom you share smiles and have some wonderful memories merely for a gesture is something not viable for me. We all love feeling loved and that is what this gesture ensures. It is just about who makes the first move as the feelings are already in place, waiting to drench us!

There are many instances where we are forced to do things - project reports , work, meetings, call. write letters, meet etc. Have you noticed your output there? It is not even 10% of your real capacity. If you don't believe me check it out for yourself. It is scientifically proven that when we do things halfheartedly the output is less than half but when we put our heart into something with 100% efforts we can create wonders. That is how it works with relationships too. When we do it thinking of it to be  a formality, that is what they become a formality. But when we do it from our heart, with genuine care and concern the relationships thrive on that basis.


Lesson Learnt : Do things because you want and not because you have to!
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PEPPER ~ This week ~ Measure 

Incident 1: Mr. Gupta calls out to his son Yash at the party. Mr. Gupta: Mr. Khanna This is my son Yash Gupta. He has topped the boards last year and intends to go abroad to pursue his Bachelors! Yash Gupta smiles uncomfortably on hearing this as he extends his hand to Mr. Khanna for a handshake. (All names changed)

Incident 2: Mayank Sharma (name changed) is a wonderful blogger from Lucknow. He is college topper, preparing for his masters from a reputed B school.  He writes beautifully, has some 200+ followers on his blog  and 351 friends on Facebook. On his birthday his wall was flooded with beautiful greeting cards and heartfelt wishes from all his friends. – Reading this you will feel Mayank is so lucky. But the truth is something different. He is very lonely, contemplating suicide and desperately needs someone to talk to. He does not have any good friends and hence anything that happens in his life becomes his status message. The number of likes and comments there make him happy as his continues to exist in his make-believe world. 

In the both the incidents, the point to be observed was how do we measure people. We measure people by numbers. Scores, number of friends, number of likes, number of qualifications, salary, etc etc. All these numbers are given too much of an undue importance.

For that matter even when I attend social functions, the moment I am introduced the next question is when she is getting married. I so want to tell them all, there is much more to me than my marriage. Do you know I have a blog which I love.. I want to share with you what I write there....do you want to listen about the wonderful stories I read at night….. but sadly none of them want to hear. What they are interested is - my age, height, weight, date of birth, time of birth, salary, qualifications etc etc.

Studying abroad, having a decent job, getting married- they seem to be the ultimate goals of our lives. Great education means you are excellent, having a good job defines your success and getting married means you are completely settled in life. And whoever has dreams or goals other than this is considered an outcast. I don't say these things are not important. They are important in our life but at the same time there are many other things too which are equally important if not more. Doing something for the heck of doing it and then doing it with your heart makes the entire difference here. In our society we give so much importance to all these numbers that we forget to recognize the real person who could actually be a caring and loving individual looking for some love and care in return. Yash would have been glad had his father told Mr. Khanna about his passion for guitar and how he wanted to pursue it but for his father’s ideology. Mayank could do with one friend who would not want to befriend him because of his fame and success, who would want to be genuine friend.  And I would have loved to be introduced as a dreamer, a reader, a writer or for that matter anything but a commodity to be married off at the next opportune moment.

Everyone has something unique in them, which is hidden behind all these numbers. Don’t we all want to be known for that uniqueness rather than for these numbers which each one of us carries more like a placard and not an identity card? Our souls are our identities, but sadly that is the only thing which remains hidden most of them beneath all these expectations that people around us have from us. Behind all those fancy degrees, 6 figure salaries, number of fancy cars etc..there is  a soul who dreams, desires, fantasizes, hopes, loves, cares and wants to come out. But seeing all those numbers it realizes it has nothing to offer and hence remains inside for the fear of being ridiculed upon.


Lesson Learnt: Measure people by what they are and not what they seem to be, for all the fancy numbers of this world would be meaningless if one did not have a caring heart.

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