Metro Diaries - Unloving you


Dear Diary,

It’s been exactly 3 years today he left me. Or should I say love left us? What have I not tried in these 3 years to forget him and yet those 12 months spent with him stand out as strong as ever. There are a lot of things I want to tell him, but won't. Not because he won't listen, but because it does not make sense talking to someone who does not even care!

To Someone-who-does-not-care,

Our Love Story - Short & Simple  
(Though I doubt if there was "love" in this story at all!!)

You walk into a beautiful garden full of lovely flowers, each one more gorgeous than the other emanating sweet fragrance. You walk to the nearest plant which is house to a beautiful yellow dahlia. Bright ,colourful, it seemed to dance as it swayed with the wind. You bring your nose closer to inhale its lovely smell, feeling its soft petals delicately with your fingertips....outlining the stem, when all of a sudden you grab it tightly and pluck it from the plant. The flower shed a quiet tear in pain for having to part with its house but the joy of coming with you was much more higher than that. Before it could feel your love for it, enjoy the passion and be joyous you sighted a more beautiful flower a bit ahead. Forgetting about this flower you jumped towards that one, trampling over this on all your excitement. If asked for a reason you just smile and say " Beauty is to be admired, this world is full of beautiful things how can I not admire each one of them!"

This is exactly how YOU made me feel. It seems as if you had written our love story with a pencil on my heart. Though you have erased it long back and went away the marks still remain etched on my heart.

Source: Google Images
Perched on the shoulders of your imagination I have seen every nook and corner of your city. Even today as I close my eyes I can still smell the flowers of the annual nature exhibition held in your town every winter. I can sense the breeze ruffling my hair while we go on a drive on your bike, though we have never been on one. I try to imagine you straightening my tangled hair softly as you try to steal a peck.  My heart tugs each time I listen to 'our' song reminding of the love you spoke about but was never there. In moments of weakness I can also feel your breath next to mine intoxicating me in every way just the way you had described in your lovely words. That smile of mine which you loved the most still adorns my face every day.And yes!! My eyes still sparkle like the way they used to, though I sometimes catch a tinge of sadness in them.

I chide myself for all those thoughts but however much I push them down the abyss they come back bringing along pain and hurt. My mind is filled with thousands of questions I want to ask you alongwith tear filled eyes, but my heart is still filled with love. A love that simply refuses to go sitting as strongly as ever. Every time I log into my facebook account and see 'that' familiar name it still evokes a response - Is it love or is it hate? How do I define it? I just know my palms go cold and my heart does a somersault as every incident of the past starts unfolding before my eyes like a movie. I cannot see you falling in and out of love so frequently while here I am still trying to unlove you.

Hence today I break the only promise I gave you ever- - - - - -  Of being there for you! Yes I loved you but today I love myself more than that for which I need to draw curtains on this play of hearts. I wish though how you taught me to love you, you could also teach me to unlove you!


A heart-that-truly-cared

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