Metro Diaries : A thousand desires such…

Priyanka lay on the bed as sleep eluded her tonight while her husband was blissfully unaware about her turmoil. Having satisfied his carnal desires few moments back he was sleeping as if he had just defeated his biggest enemy. She smiled recollecting his words, “I want you”. He just had to say that and get what he wanted.  When was the last time I had wanted something she began to wonder.

Was it when I got married? Or was it before that? Trying to reach a particular instance her mind started taking a walk down the memory lane as she closely inspected each and every moment of her life. 

She reached the time when she was 10 and wanted a pair of shorts for her birthday. She had been asking her mother for it since a long time. All her friends had one and her little mind knew she just had to have one. But her mother would not hear anything on that. A no meant a no. She cannot be wearing shorts, that was the diktat. Maybe that was the beginning of wanting something….

Her mind took her to the age when she was 13 and she wanted to join a contemporary dance class. However much of cajoling, begging, crying or pleading could not convince her father as he stubbornly refused to let her enroll. Girls from decent families don’t learn such type of dances is all that he would say. 

The lone night when she had begun this expedition had turned into a bright sunny morning but her wandering mind refused to stop. She went about the daily chores like a zombie as her mind continued to explore the unexplored. 

Slowly her mind began to unravel the events further, a course in college, a failed love affair, a job, marriage of her choice at her own will, dancing, reading… all began to get added to the list. The pile of plates in the sink continued to remain unperturbed and so was the bucket full of clothes to be washed. But Priyanka’s mind refused to come back from that voyage.

It is said a cat has nine lives and can escape the clutches of death till the time it reaches a phase where its end is unavoidable. Then how many lives does a woman have? For though with every dream of her that dies there is a part of her which also dies but yet she continues to exist till the time when there is nothing left in her or maybe even after that. 

How many times has my heart wanted and I have let it go unheard she wondered in between all those thoughts.  There was a time when she was called the eternal dreamer someone who had her eyes full of dreams and today life’s realities had covered those dreams with mist making it hazy enough to not see anything further. She wanted to scream and ask WHY when her heart answered the question itself – Because you allowed it.

Not anymore… she said to no one in particular but to herself as she wiped her tears. Today I will end this want-less life and lead a life I wanted to. She told this to herself repeatedly till her heart heard it and reacted to it with a bounce in her steps. She moved towards the living room opened the window to let the fresh air come again. 

With cool breeze rustling her hair she felt a sense of calm entering her heart and soul. Some moments back the place seemed to be on fire now seemed to be cooling off. She saw the grey skies had started to clear now in the sky as tiny drops of rain rushed to embrace mother earth. The parched piece of land was now basking in the love those droplets had carried from somewhere above. Filling its crevices with abundance and soaking its entire being in to its own existence they were now one. The seeker and the giver….The joy of oneness had filled the whole atmosphere making Priyanka smile from the heart after a long time.  Everything around seemed to adorn a new look today as her heart began to hum her favourite ghazal 

Hazaaron khwahishein aisi ki har khwahish pe dum nikle
bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle


Translation:
There are thousands of ambitions that each such wish could consume my life
My desires , and I experience them all intensely, aren’t enough for this one lifetime.

Source: Google Images





Comments

  1. Each one of us have desires and should work towards achieving them.

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    Replies
    1. True Kalpana... but sometimes in life many things come over those desires and strangulate them


      That is when the fight it to keep them alive!

      Delete
  2. Fight to keep them alive, my dear! My twenties well into my thirties were filled with such guilt and fulfilling the expectations of others, even when there was no rhyme or reason.
    God wants us to become who we are in His eyes. Keep yours focused on Him. Love and give, but do so from an honest and tried heart. Do not allow others to define who you are!
    You are loved and appreciated, my dear!
    Blessings always!

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    Replies
    1. Martha I have always told this to you many times and am still telling you once again - you have been a wonderful source of inspiration through your blogs and comments and otherwise too.

      This comment is very special to me as it seems to directly speak to me in more than one ways and I am thankful to you for having said all that you said.

      This one will be cherished for a long time.. thanks you so much!

      HUGS <3

      Delete
  3. Every morning Priyanka should see herself in the mirror and say what the “Little Engine that could” said. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

    After conquering her problems, she should congratulate herself by saying this. I knew I could. I knew I could. I knew I could.

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    Replies
    1. Wow SG this was an amazing comment!
      It reminded me of my childhood.....superbly said :)

      Delete
  4. writing is well privy.Each one of us have desire but never it achieve 100%.So i'll say " Santosam Parmam Sukham"

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    Replies
    1. True Pravir but then that does not mean you should stop dreaming for the day you do that you cease to exist!

      Delete
  5. To know what we want in life ~~ only if we know that!

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    Replies
    1. Very true Meena, thanks so much for stopping by!

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  6. Desires are like the game of whack a mole. It keeps popping up. You just have see how many you can nail isn't it.. :)

    PhenoMenon
    http://throodalookingglass.com/supermoon/

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  7. The problem is, we are so used to living a life for others, the so called values...they bind us,
    And after years, when we want to break free, we are scared.
    Respect your parents, elders and loved ones, however, try to draw a line. Try to live for yourself too!

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    Replies
    1. Very true Gayu... loved all that you said!

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  8. Beautifully written Me. Loved the kind of positive note on which it ended!

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  9. Sometimes our own actions kill our dreams. Priyanka decided to change that. Well written and a positive ending.

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    1. Thanks so much Diana and yes you are right.. we kill our dreams ourselves!

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  10. If every Priyanka's decided to chase their dreams ... this place would have flourished.

    I too agree with Diana's comment. ... we kill our dreams ourselves.... get out of the confort zone and there's so much more to see and conquer.

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    Replies
    1. Very true... :)

      I completely agree with you!!

      Delete

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