Metro Diaries : A thousand desires such…

Priyanka lay on the bed as sleep eluded her tonight while her husband was blissfully unaware about her turmoil. Having satisfied his carnal desires few moments back he was sleeping as if he had just defeated his biggest enemy. She smiled recollecting his words, “I want you”. He just had to say that and get what he wanted.  When was the last time I had wanted something she began to wonder.

Was it when I got married? Or was it before that? Trying to reach a particular instance her mind started taking a walk down the memory lane as she closely inspected each and every moment of her life. 

She reached the time when she was 10 and wanted a pair of shorts for her birthday. She had been asking her mother for it since a long time. All her friends had one and her little mind knew she just had to have one. But her mother would not hear anything on that. A no meant a no. She cannot be wearing shorts, that was the diktat. Maybe that was the beginning of wanting something….

Her mind took her to the age when she was 13 and she wanted to join a contemporary dance class. However much of cajoling, begging, crying or pleading could not convince her father as he stubbornly refused to let her enroll. Girls from decent families don’t learn such type of dances is all that he would say. 

The lone night when she had begun this expedition had turned into a bright sunny morning but her wandering mind refused to stop. She went about the daily chores like a zombie as her mind continued to explore the unexplored. 

Slowly her mind began to unravel the events further, a course in college, a failed love affair, a job, marriage of her choice at her own will, dancing, reading… all began to get added to the list. The pile of plates in the sink continued to remain unperturbed and so was the bucket full of clothes to be washed. But Priyanka’s mind refused to come back from that voyage.

It is said a cat has nine lives and can escape the clutches of death till the time it reaches a phase where its end is unavoidable. Then how many lives does a woman have? For though with every dream of her that dies there is a part of her which also dies but yet she continues to exist till the time when there is nothing left in her or maybe even after that. 

How many times has my heart wanted and I have let it go unheard she wondered in between all those thoughts.  There was a time when she was called the eternal dreamer someone who had her eyes full of dreams and today life’s realities had covered those dreams with mist making it hazy enough to not see anything further. She wanted to scream and ask WHY when her heart answered the question itself – Because you allowed it.

Not anymore… she said to no one in particular but to herself as she wiped her tears. Today I will end this want-less life and lead a life I wanted to. She told this to herself repeatedly till her heart heard it and reacted to it with a bounce in her steps. She moved towards the living room opened the window to let the fresh air come again. 

With cool breeze rustling her hair she felt a sense of calm entering her heart and soul. Some moments back the place seemed to be on fire now seemed to be cooling off. She saw the grey skies had started to clear now in the sky as tiny drops of rain rushed to embrace mother earth. The parched piece of land was now basking in the love those droplets had carried from somewhere above. Filling its crevices with abundance and soaking its entire being in to its own existence they were now one. The seeker and the giver….The joy of oneness had filled the whole atmosphere making Priyanka smile from the heart after a long time.  Everything around seemed to adorn a new look today as her heart began to hum her favourite ghazal 

Hazaaron khwahishein aisi ki har khwahish pe dum nikle
bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle

There are thousands of ambitions that each such wish could consume my life
My desires , and I experience them all intensely, aren’t enough for this one lifetime.

Source: Google Images

Popular posts from this blog

Metro Diaries: Untold and Unknown

Essay: How to mourn the loss of love?