Faith & Pretend ~ This week

SALT ~ This week ~ Faith

Almost a decade back when I was fresh out of college I was direction less like most of the youngsters at that age. I did not know what I wanted to do in life. I began working for the thought of having money on hand of your own sounded exciting. In the first year I had changed 3 jobs before settling at one. Couple of years back I changed my industry for the learning had ceased there.  I was scared yes, but then I knew I could not get stuck in that rut as I knew things so well and I wanted to learn more. 

The challenges in this new job were very high with my health beginning to take a toll because of the workload and pressure. I remember crying in the initial few months repenting my decision but then one person who made me re-look at things was my company’s Executive Director, let’s call him YK. 

There was a client in whose case I had done some error (not intentional, those typical ones a new comer makes) and co-incidentally he happened to be in my city around that time. He invited me for a cup of coffee at Barista. There amidst cups of coffee, cup cakes and casual chit chat he broached the topic. 

I understand that you are not from this industry and I also know you must have thought something while taking this plunge. What I want you to understand is we also thought something while hiring you and I very well know we were not wrong. We never doubted your capabilities even for a moment.” Saying this he took the special one pager menu and on the backside drew the entire flow chart of what needs to be done explaining in detail all that was a part of the organization’s processes. “Having said all of that if you are still stuck anywhere I am just a phone call away.

It’s been 5 years to that discussion I still have that paper with me, not that I cannot remember the flow chart, but because it reminds of how one should always remember the very roots one sprouts out from.  Our organization has grown manifolds in this time and of course people have grown too. Still every time I meet him he reminds me how he is there in case I need any help.

At that moment when I was losing my trust in my own self, his trust in me and my capabilities helped me come up the curve and prove myself. I delivered not only up to his expectations but also on my own expectations. Today when people praise my work I know whom I need to thank for this. For deep down somewhere I know he did not need to do what he did that afternoon. He could have asked my boss to speak to me and got me fired if I was still unable to cope up. Rather he choose to speak to me himself, taught me the basics in a way I could never forget and also gave me time to settle down.
Lesson Learnt :He taught me it is important to stride on unknown paths to know them and at the same time it is important to remember all that you learnt on your journey till here. He showed me a leader not only leads but also shows the direction if someone has lost it in between.

PEPPER ~ This week ~ Pretend

I am a horrible liar. I simply cannot lie even to save my life. People tell me my face gives it all away, it’s that bad. But then I did not realize when I mastered the art of pretending. 

I would pretend am not hurt while I would be breaking from inside. I would pretend am happy when I was not.  I would pretend to be normal when I actually wanted to scream out loud in pain. I had grown so used to this pretence that I had stopped understanding my feelings for my mind would lie. Yes pretending is a lie that we do or show to the world. And I never realized it that all this while I was blatantly lying while I pretended not to.

One day when I woke up to face myself in the mirror I could no longer connect with the person reflecting back. For all I could see were lies and nothing else.  That is when I realized that till now I was wearing a mask of pretence hiding the real me from everyone and in the process hurting myself more than anyone else. I was not the real me with anyone and that is alarming. And that is the day when I decided to change it all, not for anyone else but for myself.

Lesson Learnt: Never pretend because it is as good as lying. Pretence never helps it’s just a mask you put on the truth which does not help in the longer run for any relationship.

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