Metro Diaries: Can you?
A normal morning stares back at me as I squint my eyes to see what time is it. Everything is normal, the skies, the breeze, the garden below my window….. Almost everything! Almost because that teeny weeny voice that comes from my heart says so. And I had thought that if you were to leave me the skies would fall, the breeze would pause for eternity and the roses would stop blooming. For that matter even I would stop breathing! But nothing of that sort has happened yet and it’s already been like eight months that I lost you.
Yes that’s how I like to call it, losing you. For love was a game where I thought my life was at stake but in turn when you won I ended up losing you. It’s been eight months already and I never realized where they went by. I have no memory whatsoever of them. Absolutely zilch! It is as if someone has pressed Ctrl+Alt+ Del to my memory of those eight months. I don’t remember waking up, walking down to the work place, coming back to this empty home and crying myself to sleep. I don’t remember any of it. All I remember is that I lost you, forever.
You might ask me, why I didn’t try finding you in case that is what I felt it was. How do you find someone who doesn’t want to be found? There that’s where your answer lies! You always told me that I never asked anything from you. And perhaps that is where we differed I believe. I felt you never need to ask for what is yours, you eventually always get it. That is why I was always so rest assured about you, your love and … about us. I always felt you were mine for keeps and that your love was only for me to bask in.
You always used to say “we were meant to be!” whether together or apart is something I will always keep wondering till my last breath. It feels as if someone has removed my heart, tied it to a stone and let it afloat on a sea. Sometimes it is rocky as there are turbulent tides and at times it is soothing cradling in the comforting arms of ebbs. My dictionary fails me every time someone asks me “How are you?” for I don’t know the answer myself. I somehow just manage to smile and nod in reply letting the questioner guess whether it was a yes or a no.
However much I try to move on as suggested by you I simply cannot. Believe me I tried everything. It is as if a piece of my heart is tied to you still, making it unable for me to move even a bit. Can you please entangle mine from yours?
P.S: This post is written based on a request by a silent reader of this blog. She told me she loves my words and that they help her heal many times as I seem to write on things she is experiencing at that moment. She asked me to write on moving on. I took a lot of time to ponder upon it for I have written many sorts of posts on moving on when last night this post began to take shape in my mind and by morning I was sure this is what I want to write as an answer to her request. Here's hoping it helps her and all the hurting hearts to heal. Amen !
P.P.S: Needless to say, if ever you want me to write something for you, you know where to reach me :) I would be more than happy for a writer's heart is always seeking answers to the endless question called LIFE! You might just help me unearth yet another secret door.