Metro Diaries: The Reasons
The night seemed to come silently that night, slow enough not to disturb her thoughts, the quietude around in perfect tandem with the slow heartbeats of her own. She was scared; scared to comprehend what if her fears were found to be true.
She kept staring at the ceiling blankly, unbeknownst of the time. She turned around to face his back. She could make out from his breathing pattern he was awake and was just pretending to be asleep. From the outline of his body in the dim light she knew he was also contemplating like she was, but there was no point initiating a discussion with him right now, he had already given his answers in the evening when she had just said “I have some questions for you!” with a solemn look on her face.
“I have answers to all your questions but I fear they might just break whatever little is left of us.” He had managed to whisper back in reply.
“What happened?” She had gathered the courage to ask.
“I don’t know. I myself am trying to find an answer to that. All I know if I need some time off, I need to think whether we should be together any more or now. “
Those words hung in the mid air long before they finally settled on her heart and soul heavily like never before, strangulating her with their weight and taking away her soul along as they left leaving behind a dark, deep gaping hole. Since the past few weeks she had been observing lot of changes in him, including his growing proximity to his new team member. His fidgetiness, sudden somber mood swings, long working hours, a deep sense of longing in his eyes even when he was home, a detachment whenever she tried to hug him or just talk like before cuddling in front of the television, his aloof behavior when it came to attending parties or social gatherings together – simply put he wasn’t there anymore. He was mentally absent from everything that involved her.
In the darkness of the night she tried hard to figure when the first signs of crack had appeared in their relationship. They were like any other couple, college sweethearts, 5 years of dating , married for 4 years now and had their lovers tiff very often which they considered pretty normal. She kept going back and forth in time, trying to relive those 9 years and yet couldn’t put her finger on one incident which could have perhaps laid the first base leading to this catastrophe she was staring at right now.
What next? Her mind asked and she drew a blank. For almost a decade now HE had been her world. Everything revolved around him, his likes, dislikes, holidays, movies, food – everything was about him, it was never about her. What would she do without him! Just as those words took form in her mind did the intensity of them draw upon her! “Was this why he was doing what he was….?” She gasped.
She tried to make sense out of this but it didn’t. The more she tried the more she got confused in it. “He is my world!”, she kept telling herself till she fell asleep amidst sobs sometime in the wee hours.
P.S: This post is a part of a story I am currently working on, whose epilogue I had shared before here. Sharing my WIP as this blog has always been a place where I have got love and that is all I need to continue chasing this dream.