Metro Diaries: Love, unconditionally.

You love only once in life,” she smirked, “ Rest every time it is attraction, need, desire, want, lust, care… anything but love.” 

After what seemed like eons of silence between us I managed to find my voice, “If I believe what you say then I never loved her, all I felt was a need to be with her. But yes I can easily say that she was the closest I could come to love. So close that if I were to take just one step ahead then perhaps I could touch love and feel how it actually feels like for till now I had not been so lucky. And (smiling) my bad luck continues this time too.” 

I was sitting before my bestest friend Ria discussing about Mahek, my new colleague at work for whom I felt I had developed a soft corner for. I was trying to understand if what I felt for her was love when Ria had chipped in her expert opinion on this. She stared at me for long before placing her hand on mine and pressing it subtly as if to say “I understand.” 

And that moment my heart wanted to scream “Only if you really did!! How many times do I need to keep telling you what I told you a decade back still holds true for it was nothing but the ultimate truth. It is right we have been friends since so many years and that we share a very deep understanding which is rare. But it is wrong to say that what I feel for you is not love. You laughed when I proposed you then and said that I was misunderstanding a good companionship to be love and till date I cry that you could never see the love hidden beneath that camaraderie. I always end this debate by blaming myself for I feel I could never make you feel the love I have for you. 

I am really thankful that you still continued to be my friend, for I don’t know what I would have done without you. I feel so lost at times when I cannot speak to you for a day. Yes I genuinely tried moving on. I tried giving love another chance. I really did, but as you said it never did. I never felt the way I felt with you. No one makes my heart do somersaults the way your one glance does even after a decade of knowing each other and nothing sets my heart racing the way your one “Hiiieee” on the phone does. It has to be you, had to be and will always be, no one else by you. Only if, you understood.” 

But my mind just mouthed these words, “ Thanks Ria for being there, you know it means a lot to me. “ 

  "I have a lot to say.... I wonder if I will be heard
There is a lot I want to hear... wonder if you will ever say that!"

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