Metro Diaries: Sinew

By



Time stood still as he held my gaze. The tenderness in his eyes defined understanding so aptly. My best friend of more than a decade, Rey as I called him was more than ecstatic. We were meeting after three months and that surely called for a celebration. 

 As we caught up on our lives the topic invariably moved to relationships, something we hated discussing. I knew he loved me, since the time I could remember. And he knew I didn’t. We both didn’t lose out on a chance in trying to push the other to newer possibilities in terms of partners. 

Rey was a gem of a person. Understanding, caring and dependable, he was everything a girl could ask for and still I couldn’t imagine loving him more than a friend for I felt he deserved someone better. Coming from a dysfunctional family it was impossible for me to see myself worthy of anything. Years of abuse had made me see a reflection which was rid with scars every day in the mirror. I had spent the last three years in a rehab trying to work on myself. I always kept telling him this,” A complete and an incomplete cannot make a complete relationship. You need someone as complete as you to compliment you. I don’t have any love left in me to give.” 

He would just smile and reply, “I never asked you anything…. Not even love!” 

Right now he had just told me about Sanjana a common friend who had recently proposed Rey. A head turner in our college she was still a stunner when it came to looks. To my utter disappointment Rey added “I refused her proposal.”

 “What? You are mad Rey. She is so beautiful… why did you have to say no!” 

“So are you… so?” 

“Rey you are not only mad you are blind too. You just see the beautiful face I have but you cannot see the uncountable scars my heart and soul carry, the ugliness of my life is hidden beneath this mask of beauty.” I managed to whisper and tried to avert his gaze when he held my hand. 

As I looked at him with a questioning glance he replied, “Love isn’t all about the beauty that is visible. Love is about loving the scars and the pain that comes along too. I love you with your scars, pain and fears because that shows how fragile you are, how real and yet how special. If there is anything they define then it has to be your strength. Those scars silently tell your story of triumph and for me you are a winner who is complete in every sense,” Before I could say anything he added,” You always asked me that you have nothing to give to this relationship. Today I tell you what you can give – strength for that is what I lack. Every time I look into your eyes I gather some more strength to live this life and I want to do that for the rest of my life.” 

For the first time since our friendship I was speechless and just kept looking into his eyes. He just reminded me today I was complete in every sense.

Popular posts from this blog

Essay: How to mourn the loss of love?

By
Image
Image Source: Unsplash.com I remember the first time I mourned the loss of love was when I was eleven.  For me, dance was love at that time. I had discovered a strange joy as I glided in and out of those movements. Every time I swirled; I could feel my heart soar. Any beat that strained to reach my ears, tempted me to move my body to its tune. I just knew I was born to dance and that is the only thing I wanted to do, all my life.  I had my reasons to believe so and a very simple one at that. It made me happy. That was a reason enough. However, my father thought otherwise. Girls from good families, do not dance. That line was enough to break all those rosy dreams of dancing on a stage. The day my brother was sent to the same dance class which was not good for me, was the day I experienced heartbreak for the first time.  That is the day I mourned the loss of my first love- Dance. 
Keep reading »

Diary of a Lost Wanderer - Lost & Found

By
Image
Dear Diary, I fell in love with Mumbai when I first visited it in 1995. Bombay, as it was then known, fascinated me since then.  If you ask me what made me fall in love with this city, I perhaps cannot explain. It wasn't that I was seeing the sea for the first time. It wasn't even the biggest city I had been to till then. Still, there was something so magical about this place. The trip was a short one lasting less than a week but this city now had my heart. Years later, I arrived here all alone on my first solo trip in 2005 and fell in love all over again. I got my first job and was required to come to Mumbai frequently. The local trains, the chaos on the roads, the crowds, the humdrum, the salty smell in the air, the stale air- everything about this city was intoxicating for me. 
Keep reading »

Metro Diaries: The Art of Making Love

By
Image
Image Source: Unpexels (Cottonbro) “Do you know why is it called making love?” He whispered, pulling the comforter closer.  I don’t remember for how long we had been in that room, on that bed. Lying aimlessly, just feeling each other in silence. I managed to just whimper to denote my curiosity.   “Because that is the moment we create love. We are the closest we could ever be to love, in its purest form. It is sheer magic as we are naked, in every form. Mentally, physically and emotionally before that one person, we love. We know they can hurt us, as much as they want to, in the way they want to. But love gives us that power to trust them, that they won’t.”   “And here I was thinking it is a need. Something you want at that moment and you get it!” 
Keep reading »