Metro Diaries: Love, that was (Final part)

 In continuation to previous parts:  1 | 2 | 3 
Nodding his head to his own thoughts, Karan continued, 

Karan: We started meeting each other on some pretext of other. Sometimes it was coffee, at times lunch or just a long drive. She was a free bird. Having quit her full time job due to her illness she now was a freelancing photographer. She travelled madly with her savings. Waking up in one city and sleeping in another. With no sense of place or time, it was morning when she woke up and night when she slept. She had become like one of those nomadic artists who exist in a different world of their own. She would talk about things I had only seen in movies or fantasized about just to come back to reality with a thud. She made me smile with her definition of life, while at the same time I craved to know her more. Every time we met I tried crossing that one boundary out of the many she had built around her and never succeeded. Even in our conversations I used to hint at wanting to know her more closely. She would invariably smile at this. 

Throwing her head back, it was a whole hearted laughter that resonated in her words too. “I am like an open book. There is nothing more to me than this that you still need to know. “ I remember her wild tresses, the way she allowed the wind to play havoc with them. Not caring about her looks, she was always dressed like a hippie. Yet my heart did a somersault in her presence. She wasn’t beautiful in the dictionary sense, but for me she was the most beautiful person because I could see her strength shine through her cracked soul and that was her beauty.

Bhargav: Karan, you know where you are heading to? Don’t you? You know you will not be able to marry her. 

Karan: I know. And you know why? Not because she has a past. But because I am not capable enough to hold her present. She is magic Bhargav and you cannot hold magic. You can just feel it. She was the closest I ever came to love for she personified it for me. She was love. It was the love of life that made her so unique and special. She didn’t care about the world, for she wasn’t here to exist like us all. She was here to live and that’s what she did. 

Every moment of it she lived to the fullest. I know you are happy somewhere in your heart that I didn’t propose her because this love story just cannot be. I am also happy I didn’t propose her because I somewhere realise that more than love it was jealousy. I wanted to rob some of the magic from her life and bring it into mine. Perhaps I didn’t want to love her, I wanted to love life through her. Weirdly though I feel that’s why this story never got completed.

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