Leave & Compliment ~ This week

SALT ~ This week ~ Leave 

In many of my posts I have spoken about losing friends. Last week I was discussing an incident I had shared here  with a very dear friend. I was lamenting the loss of losing friends and cribbing about how they all chose to leave me for the tyrant I am in relationships. 

So this friend asked me: Have you seen Pursuit of Happiness? 

Me: Nope.. I have not. ( I know my first reaction should have been anger because here I was ranting and this person wants to talk about a movie!! But I knew my friend’s nature very well. I knew there must be some reason behind this so I replied.) 

He: You know it’s about a father and a son, whose mother has left them. 

Me: Yes I know.. 

He: So in that movie there is a scene where the son asks the father “ Dad, do you think Mom left because of me?” And the father smiled “ No son, mom left because of mom”. Remember we are never the reasons for anyone to leave. They come at their own will, expecting something from us, and leave either when that expectation is fulfilled or their expectations fail. It’s got nothing to do with what or who we are. For we are still the same we were before. It is them who had envisaged something and could not accept this. Hence they leave. 

I could only smile in response to my friend. He left me with such a wonderful lesson. I spent so many years in guilt thinking people left me because I was not worth it. I tried to improve myself so much, change for them but to no avail. I never realized it was them who had decided to leave and it was nothing to do with me at all. It was their decision to enter my life, like ways it was their decision to exit too.

Lesson Learnt: People see us the way they want us to be, not the way we are. Hence when they see the way we are, sometimes they are not able to accept us and hence choose to leave. Bade a good-bye with a smile to them as being who you are is simpler than trying to be what each one of them wants you to be.

PEPPER ~ This week ~ Compliment 

It is human nature to remember the criticism than the compliments received in life. I grew up with a healthy dose of both perhaps but I remember the criticism more.  I remember being told about my bugs bunny smile, laughed upon for my stammer and teased for my plump figure. I grew up to accept all of them and continued living with my flaws. Till 2009, when something happened which changed the way I looked at everything around me, including myself.

I had enrolled myself for a typical youth empowerment programme. I went there expecting some typical gyaan sessions with liberal helpings of philosophy too. We were a bunch of 30 odd people in an age group of 18-29 so you can understand the commotion we would have created there with our thoughts on every topic under the sun. We talked, we argued, we laughed, we screamed and we had fun. Well this is what this was going to be is what I had concluded as we neared the end of the week long programme. But I was in for some surprise.

On the last day, our trainer handed all of us paper plates. We were all looking at each other with questioning glances wondering what this was supposed to mean. He further explained this was going to be compliments day. We all were supposed to hold the plates upside down with one hand on our shoulder and move around the hall. Anyone could tap us from behind and write a compliment on that plate, albeit without their names.

As exciting as it sounds, in reality it was much more than that. We had a 1.5 hour session of full chaos inside the hall as we kept running to each other, jumped in excitement and turned around for that person to write something. The end result was a plate full of lovely comments from complete strangers for you did not know who wrote what.

That day I realised  - 

My plate - My trophy :)
  • My smile was beautiful enough to brighten up a room.
  • I spoke impeccably in English.
  • Confident.
  • I sounded intelligent.
  • I have a good sense of humour. 
  • I am cute.
All this and much more from people who barely knew me for a week. Gone was the criticism which I had accepted as part of my life. They reminded me of somethings which I had never associated with myself till then. I was so pleasantly surprised on reading all this. And I cannot say it was a make-believe-truth for I barely knew anyone closely enough to be called a friend. All that they said on that plate was maybe their impression about me. Till date I cherish that plate as it adorns a wall in my room. And one glance at it is enough for me to smile remembering who the real ME is.

We get so entangled in this cobweb of opinions that we forget who we actually are. Sometimes it is very necessary for us to see ourselves from others’ point of view and know the real us. Moreover paying someone a compliment is like giving the person a reason to smile. And who would not want to be the reason behind anyone’s smiles! 

Lesson Learnt: Smile when you receive a compliment for that is what it is meant for. Compliment people more often for it not only makes them feel good, it also leaves you feeling good about it.


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