Metro Diaries: The Other End of Desire
I stared at Megha with lot of questions running in my mind but none forming up on my lips. I silently hoped my bewilderment didn’t reflect on my face. I didn’t want to hurt Megha with my reactions at all. I had known her for last 8 months now .
She had joined our office recently and within few interactions we had clicked along very well so much that today we were called the Siamese twins of the office. I always loved her no nonsense attitude. That’s the way she dealt with everyone across her life. I admired her strength that seemed to come from somewhere deep within and knew that she was one person who could never be wrong. I would always rush to her for suggestions and advises. She was my sister, agony aunt, friend, senior at work and partner in crime all rolled into one.
Tonight we were celebrating my birthday with a sleepover at my place when the topic moved to relationships. I shared my experiences with love and relationships. As I spoke to her I realized how much I had healed. When I had walked out of my previous relationship I thought I would never heal but today as I spoke about it I realized time really is a great healer. That is when she told me about her past. She had been in an extra marital affair with a married man.
To say I was shocked would be wrong I was shocked beyond words. For me Megha was the sanest person on this earth and to believe that she would do something like this was beyond comprehension for me. She narrated the whole story very calmly but with each word a new storm took over my senses. A strange silence hung between us for a while after she had completed talking. After a lot of while, I finally managed to ask her, “Meg, what made you do that.”
My heart was stuck in my throat and I could feel my every heart beat in my face. I loved Meg a lot and I was scared that whatever she might say might just upset me a bit more. Many times it happens in life you look up to someone only to realize that they have feet made of clay. But what she said in reply, actually made me fall in love with her a little more. She kept staring at the ground for long after I had asked my question. I was counting backwards to hold onto my calm and not scream out of impatience.
I looked at Meg, in that dim light falling from the nearby table lamp she looked ethereal and yet so fragile. That’s what we all are in some way, fragile and yet those very cracks make us strong enough to face the world. As I traced her eyes to the ground I tried to read her thoughts but nothing came back to me.
Finally she let out a sigh and replied,” I did it because I wanted to see what’s at the other end of desire. I had always been on this side of desire and want where I liked, loved and wanted but it never happened. In this case I was the one who was liked, loved and wanted and it made me feel desirous. I was tempted to walk that way and see what the other end holds in store for me. How does it feel to cross the bridge of desire and see it from there, is what made me do that. And now I know that feeling desirous is nothing like feeling loved.” With a huge smile on her face, she looked at me and I had all my answers. I just hugged her tightly as I was rendered speechless after this.