Wish life was this simple as it seemed to 10 year old Jack always. He is so clear about what he wants in a relationship and what he can do. I guess as we grow we tend to get confused ourselves and then confuse the other person too regarding what we want and what we can do in a relationship. Over a period of time in a relationship or even marriage we tend to forget one very important fact- there was a time when we loved each other. Today everything else seems to be overlapping that love and we forget the affection we had. We need to at least sit up once and think, that person loves me he/ she cannot do this. There must be some reason behind it. More often than not, it turns out that other person is also echoing the same thoughts. It was only about who made the first move to talk. Everything else gets sorted automatically.
Many times I come across couples who when asked about love in their marriage reply very nonchalantly, ours is an arranged marriage. Arranged marriage so what? Does it anywhere say that such marriages are love less? Even if it an arranged marriage we need to remember the fact that the opposite person must have liked something in us to marry us. It could be as trivial as our smile, our hair style or something as deep as our nature. Marriage is not a shopping session in the nearby mall wherein you buy something that you like in the first instinct and by the time you reach home the liking gets evaporated. For each one of us marriage is a life changing decision and we would not take it unless we are thoroughly sure about it.
Sometimes I wonder what the base for strong relationships is. Is it mutual understanding, trust, love, respect or plain and simple attraction? I have seen 17 year old marriages crumble for the choice of a younger partner and have also seen childhood love affairs culminate into marriages only to break a decade later. What changes after so many years is something beyond my understanding. I used to always feel that once you spend so much time with each other you kind of get used to each other’s habits. It only strengthens your bond. But from what I see around me I completely disagree. A marriage / relationship is equally vulnerable to break ups as much as it was maybe when it just started. Time no way assures you that it is forever. Strangely enough people decide to move on without letting the other person know. The result is the other person is just waiting with a tiny hope of their return flickering somewhere.
When we fall in love with someone the feeling is so different. We feel giddy one moment and on top of the world the other. It is such a wonderful state to be in. We want to scream from the roof tops and let the world know about our love. We even constantly like saying those three magical words to our loved one. Unfortunately it happens many a times that we also fall out of love. Somehow the magic vanishes and we realize things are no longer the same. Though sometimes we choose to work on it, sometimes we choose to avoid it altogether and look for various ways and means to keep ourselves occupied. I strongly feel that if we could confess our falling in love we also need to confess our falling out of love to our partner. I am sure however difficult the current phase would be in any relationship we might have had some share of beautiful memories together. We need to do this for the sake of those memories. We owe at least this much to the other person.
Sometimes we reach a stage where the heart refuses to listen and we still continue to care for that person despite nothing that we get in return. At such times for us the happiness of the other person is important – with or without us does not matter anymore. I agree love as a feeling demands reciprocation. And if it does not get that it dies a slow death in the hands of time. But if we cannot reciprocate we need to let that person about it. I know it will hurt. But believe me the hurt of this truth is much better than a life time of a lie tied to the hope of getting reciprocation. It is perfectly fine if we cannot love them back; let’s not play with their feelings so badly that they can never love anyone ever again.
Hand in hand as we came till here to reach a crossroads;
Let’s part ways with love and luck to see how life unfolds.
We might not be destined to be together forever; so be it.