A suicide note



To no-one and everyone
Source: Google Images

Every time a child is born on this earth, he is blessed. But the day I was born, I was cursed. For having born as a girl in this society. Usually a child’s birth is a joyous occasion where the child keeps crying at the newness but everybody else is rejoicing his arrival. My birth brought along clouds of worry and concerns as my parents were being pitied. Everybody began to shed copious tears as doctors announced my arrival. I stopped crying as I saw everyone around me find new ways to lament my arrival. 

I did not cry when I was denied fancy clothes year after year. I did not feel bad when my birthdays were never celebrated. I was not hurt when I never got new toys to play with.  I was not sad when I had to make do with hand-me-downs as gifts.  I did not shed a single tear when they decided to stop my education abruptly and were planning to get me married. I never cried because I had accepted that curse - the curse of being born. I continued to exist with my curse where words like care, love and affection did not exist. What existed was pity – pity for being the cursed one. I was unaware of any other way of existence till I met him.

We studied in the same class. With him I experienced a world which till then never existed for me at all; a world full of love and care. He made me feel wanted and for him I was a blessing. Till then I did not know what being a blessing is like. We could not live without each other and we knew this was not possible. We decided to elope as we knew nobody would understand this. That day we ran away and got married in a temple. Finally I was his and he mine. We promised to always belong to each other and never let anything part us.

Somehow they came to know about it and reached the temple. Much to our horror they accepted us lovingly and asked us to come home with them. I should have doubted it then. But being in love is such a blessing, it blinds you. I was sent ahead with my aunt and sister while he was supposed to follow in other vehicle. We all reached home, but he never came. I was locked in a room, only to be reminded about being cursed and be hit every time I asked his whereabouts. Ever since my birth I cried that day for the first time, not able to decide whether I was a curse or a blessing. Today I heard them talking in whispers and I was convinced I was cursed.

He was no more. He chose to be with me and hence he was also cursed. He was helpless in love and they helpless because of my curse. But I had promised to be with him in life and death. And today I fulfill that promise by breaking myself free from this curse forever.

I am finally free today – free from being a burden, free from being a curse, free to love, free to laugh and free to die……I blame no one for this….yet everyone for believing I was a curse.

P.S: This is an imaginary letter written by a girl who was a victim of honour killing. I happened to read a few cases of honour killing and it touched me deeply. I googled about it to find out more but every result gnawed me deeper. There is nothing more humiliating than knowing that your existence itself is cursed. Being a girl I just tried to keep myself in her shoes and think what I would have felt having undergone such treatment. Is loving a curse? Or should I just say is living a curse?

P.P.S:  This is written for WriteTribe, where we bloggers have come together to blog for a cause that is close to many of our hearts. The international theme for World Suicide Prevention Day 2013 is Stigma: a major barrier to suicide prevention. Please use the hashtag #suicideprevention to tweet/ share on Facebook.

Comments

  1. Very heartwrenching story. As usual, I wanted to say something funny. But I am unable to do so.

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    1. :)

      I can understand SG... it gave me goosebumps as I read story after story on honour killing. I could not resist thinking on these lines and write this letter.

      Thanks.. for feeling the pain behind this letter.

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  2. Thanks for your immediate response. Two books are worth reading. One is "Forbidden Love". And, another is "Burned Alive". Worth reading on this subject.

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    1. Thanks for the recommendations SG, truly appreciate the same. Will surely try to grab both of these soon :)

      Maybe reading them will inspire me to write more on this subject!

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    2. Yes I think you should write more - I think you should develop it into a short story - you could publish it as an e book - we can all promote it and if it becomes a real hit and makes money then - well you could give it to one of the charities that tries to help these women. Just a thought! What you've already written is very powerful and the way you have approached it. Amazing!

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    3. That was a really wonderful idea Not a Notting Hill Mum. I would really want to do everything that I can to help these women.

      Thanks for ~
      such a wonderful inspiration
      a liking this post
      a beautiful comment
      being here today

      <3

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    4. Very sad hard-hitting post. Honor killings are so so disgusting and the events leave me angry and bitter to the core. Thank you for the book suggestions as well SG, added those to my reading list too.

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    5. I truly understand when you talk about anger and bitterness as it brings along a sense of helplessness too.

      Thanks for being here today!

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  3. Very very touching Me! And heart wrenching!

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  4. A very sad story. We live in a society full of demons who have no respect or value of life :(

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    1. And we dare call our country a developed nation!!

      :D

      Such a sorry state of affairs.

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  5. beautifully written...hope the coming generations are more sensitive and sensible!

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  6. You portrayed it so beautifully and sensibly.
    I have loved reading each line here.

    An excellent and touching post.
    :)

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    1. Thanks Sukku... it shook me up very badly. Perhaps that is what lead to this.. .

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  7. sad sadddd ways of the world , I wish it can be stopped


    Bikram's

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    1. Me too wish the same.. wish people would understand there is nothing wrong in loving. And even if it one need not pay with one's life for it.

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  8. This is really sad and thought-stirring. And you crafted it really well!:)

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    1. Thanks dear.. it is actually to be thought upon and acted.

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  9. Ouch. This was written very empathetically. It reminds me a bit of the essence of Ishaqzaade, except that your rendering is more straight to the heart because it comes from the heart. :)

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    1. I have not watched that movie though I loved that song Pareshan :)

      Thanks, for understanding the real emotions behind writing this post <3

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  10. So true Privy...a reality to many.

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  11. Wonderful post, Me... It pains to realize that even today there exist people (let me call them 'monsters') who hate the girl child and perpetrate female foeticide and if at all allow their girl child to exist-make a hell out of her life.. Sometimes, it makes me think of the reason why these people behave like that.. Whom to blame-their mentality, the society in which they live, their poverty or their illiteracy ?(But every time I draw a blank for an answer)...

    Your post was so touching.. Especially that I am having my labour room postings these days and am a witness to many deliveries,the first paragraph of your post totally touched my heart ...:):)

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    1. Same here Rinku.. I fail to understand their psyche. Why would they want to do this is beoynd my understanding.

      And more so it hurts to accept the fact that we are surrounded by such people around us day in and out not knowing their reality. We are so helpless... cannot do anything about it. Maybe write like this and vent out..thats it!

      Thanks, I can understand how you must be feeling after reading those lines as you connect it to the delivery room :)

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    2. I'd like to add to your comment, if you don't mind. It's not only females who are being affected by such "customs". You are forgetting gay or bi people, or just males who decided to "experiment" and fell into the trap. I know that some people are just not comfortable with homosexuality, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that gay/bi people should be killed for being that way. I mean, what the heck! That's not even reasonable. Do you agree?

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    3. Oh, sweetie! I almost thought this was about you - I don't mean to offend, it was just so heartfelt (I did realise it wasn't your story a few sentences later). I can't understand how someone can kill their own child because they "dishonoured" their family. That doesn't even make sense. Family should always support their member, not KILL them! I do know that there are way too many cases (I checked Wikipedia - about twenty thousand people are being "honour" killed every year). It's making me very sad. I wish we could change the mentality of such people. I really hope so.

      Stunning post, Privy. Left me speechless.

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    4. Yes Dave you are right. I don't mind your comment at all rather I completely agree. You know I always say each one of us has the right to existence. The right to live our lives the way we want with our own choices - good or bad. Nobody on this earth has the right to snatch away that right from us. Here in our country we see it more for the girl child hence the thought, but what you said also exists in this world. And it is really saddening when we do this to fellow human beings.Why cannot we just respect their choices and be happy for them? Why should they be punished so badly for listening to what their heart told them.

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    5. Wow!! That was truly a compliment Dave :)

      It means I could actually portray the pain as if I was going through this. There is nothing to feel offended about it at all!! Even I wonder the same dear. And you this so called righteous family members who do this are themselves free to do anything they wish to - which according to me is outrageous. I wish we really could change their mentality.

      Thanks for such a lovely comment, am touched:)

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  12. This was so moving, my friend. It is so hard to swallow, especially in this day and age, that such demeaning, destructive treatment of women still persists. I hope your touching, heart-wrenching story brings many to an awareness of this immense problem.
    Blessings to you, Me!

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    1. Yes Martha unfortunately it does exist.I strongly hope things change for them.

      Thanks!

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  13. Very nicely written. I hope people really think twice before doing anything like that.

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    1. I hope so too dear. It is so sad to read such things when actually we in the 21st century!

      Thanks :)

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  14. It breaks my heart to see such craziness happen to people whose only crime is loving.

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    1. Very true Rachna..that is exactly how I feel...!

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  15. Even I read all these news items and honestly was quite numbed. When one cannot do anything but read and feel compassion, it feels sad. On one side we are moving towards development and globalisation and on the other hand, honour-killing takes place in many parts of India. I detest the very term "honour" in killing. No killing can be honourable!

    Your poignant letter articulates what would have been going through within the girl at that specific time. I am glad that you chose to blog about this issue. These kind of killings should be written about so that as a group we can bring out such issues to light. One never knows, this might spark into something bigger.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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    1. Yes you are right Susan...no killing can be honourable!!

      It is a cold blooded murder these people do feeling they are the saviours of this world from the clutches of something as fragile as love :)

      I am glad I could articulate the feelings I underwent... though it was haunting for a long time. Such incidents need to be brought to everyone's notice as otherwise we all choose to exist in a state of ignorance.

      Blogging has surely been a strong medium which has the full capacity to spark things into bigger!

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  16. Honorable killing? What does it really mean? Does anything like that really exist?
    It was really touching. It wrenched my heart. My parents consider my sister and I a blessing and honestly, we have been gifted a life that has love in abundance. But really, I'm left wondering now.. Would it have been better to live and suffer through all the torture or die assuming that the world after death would be less cruel? No matter how much money you make or what kind of image you have in the society, there's one thing that can never be compensated for. It's LOVE.

    Beautiful writing Me. Hope you make this into a series!

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    1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing
      http://www.honourkilling.in/

      I hope these links help you know all about honour killing...and yes!! It exists in our country as well.

      We are truly lucky ones who are considered to be a blessing by our parents.. and for your question dear sometimes death seems to be the only option left as more than D-E-A-T-H it spells F-R-E-E-D-O-M for them.

      Love is a beautiful feeling which is unmatched for... and that love need not be only between a guy and a girl. It could be with anyone or anybody.. but that does not mean you are not entitled to live.

      Thanks dear... your comments are truly encouraging.... I don't know where it will all lead to though :)

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  17. Such a thoughtful (and heart breaking) letter.. It's sad really, to see the state of mind our people have! :|

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    1. Very true dear...thanks for understanding the unspoken.

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  18. I like the way you got into the character, Me. These stories are so chilling. They take us back to the stone ages.

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    1. Thanks Corinne!

      Yes you are right; their thoughts do make us feel like we are back in stone ages and not in the 21st century.

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  19. Beautifully written! You portrayed her emotions so well....one gets used to such neglect if one has not faced anything else from birth! I'm a new reader and following your blog now!

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    1. Very true Roshni, being a girl in this society I am sure each one of us can feel the pain of such an existence.

      Thanks so much for your follow it is truly appreciated <3

      Welcome to my blog and hope to see you here more often!!

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  20. Oh! This is so sad. You know there are couples of our generation, well qualified, who want a boy. I feel so sorry for them. Truly very touchy...

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    1. Even I have heard about such cases... I have some in my own family and I feel so ashamed about it.. Such diseases have actually crippled our society so badly that we are not able to race ahead with others despite the development we see in other sectors.

      Thanks Saruji...

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  21. I had commented earlier, but I don't see it now. I think I got lost some how. probably when I had to sign in or something...Anyway, this is such a sad and tragic read. It saddens me terribly to know that people are still having to fight these battles in the world today. Your writing is excellent, putting me right there with you, feeling the pain and sorrow.

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    1. Blogger does act funny sometimes...! :)


      Jan neel...it is a sad state of affairs.. when I saw those stories on some news channels with dates as recent as April 2012 it is really heartening.. I feel we crib for so many things in life not realising there is someone out there who probably does not even know such things exist on earth. For them living itself is a challenge day in and day out.

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment , it just brightened my day :D

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  22. Privy, I personally know some people whose culture favor more the birth of males than females. It is just sad. I do wish that they'd realize that children, regardless of gender, are gifts from God. <3

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    1. Yes Irene it is very said.. children are a gift of God and there are so many childless couples out there who pray day and night only for a child.

      <3

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  23. Very disturbing and heart wrenching. Such news reports are just the tip of the iceberg, the reality is worse. Some are killed some are not allowed to live :(

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    1. I agree, the reality is much worse than the actual numbers that we see in papers / websites..

      Very sad state of affairs!

      Thanks for being here today

      Delete
  24. Very sad..

    my heart goes out for that girl..

    and for every girl victimized by a male dominated patriarchal society

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    1. True Aparna, I wish I could say that I can see a ray of hope though.. even today I still feel we are getting sucked deeper and deeper into this abyss of our blind beliefs.

      Thanks for being here today and the follow too - appreciate the same <3

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  25. This is truly disturbing and very sad. Makes us realize what we take for granted. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. We always tend to take some of the most beautiful and precious things for granted in our lives.

      Thank you stopping by!

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  26. it's very sad-on one hand we have women reaching far n wide leaving no stone unturned and conquering demons all around and on the other hand we still live in a society that is drowned in a regressive mindset ! The silver lining beneath the clouds is increasing awareness and if that is able to save even a single girl then it is success in some measure. Very touching and thought provoking post Ms.Privy

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    1. Sad is perhaps a very small word Priya. Disheartening and insulting suits it batter.

      The plight of women would have surely undergone a sea change in the last few years but there are still many out there whose existence itself is under scrutiny. Awareness and action are the only two options for us as highlighted by you.

      Thanks so much :)

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  27. your post smells of tears shed by that girl who had to witness the honor killing. I do not understand how one's ego is given much higher priority than a human life. It's shame actually. And by killing someone does that mean one gets the honor,pride back? If yes, then one day they deserve to be dead.

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    1. I am smiling after reading your first line :)

      Actually I was inspired by some crime shows which depict real life cases. I watched one honour killing case 5 times co-incidentally and it set me thinking. So lot of googling about suicide notes and the killings - maybe thats what brought me to this frame of mind!

      All that you say is exactly what I am feeling. How can our ego be more than one's life. We should truly be ashamed of calling ourselves human beings after doing this. Killing someone cannot be a sign of strength is just an act of cowardice according to me.

      They all do deserve their own share of punishments dear...

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  28. very Well Written...
    and what you are saying is true.. ironically it is not just a rural phenomenon... this exists in metros like delhi as well...

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    1. Yes Dwiti, sadly that is the state of affairs where the boundary of rural and urban no longer exists... it is all omnipresent. Starting from female foeticide to honour killing..everything!!

      Thanks for being here, hope to see you more often :)

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  29. Honor killing happens a lot in my country. It is horrible. Maybe I must write about it some day!

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    1. Yup you should Nikky... this is something we all need to do something about!

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  30. you know what i was reading it in a horror...the heading itself gave me rashes...what can i say about it if not being ashamed about it? i have read many stories and do believe gosh...my parents didn't think that way...they always wanted me to be a girl... i came out as a boy...and i have to wear skirts and frocks till the stocks lasted (i mean the gifts in terms of clothes from relatives and other people...)

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    1. :)

      Your comment made me smile though we are discussing a very serious issue here.

      I would say you are very lucky to have such wonderful parents - touchwood. But sadly this is not the case with all. Even today there are parents who detest having a girl child.

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    2. You know i deliberately put my life in there...as i don't like grim faces...and i know about the seriousness of the topic... and i really am hapless as far as emotions are concerned...i feel pinned when i know something is wrong and i cannot do anything against it...i cannot change the way people look towards a girl...how can i tell them a girl whom they call a curse is the one from where they are born...she is the one who takes all the pains to bring his child up...from being a mother,to sister, wife and then a daughter...she does everything a man can never do...it's also a fact...daughter looks after their parents much better than son...even after getting married and going off to their in laws...i really feel helpless whenever i read all these n that's why i gave my story...!!!

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    3. Helpless is how we all feel exactly.Helpless because we know our society and the fact is that however much we try there is something lacking in our efforts as the problem still exists!

      Precisely my point. I wish there were more people who thought like this, it would have reduced the problem atleast by some extent.

      I liked it that you talked about your life for it reflects your thoughts as well behind this.

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    4. so i suppose you i could make you understood why i gave the example of my life :)

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  31. Honour killing is something I have tried to understand a lot but failed at many times. I don't know what is more important to you ? the happiness or the honour in the society which itself changes a lot.

    It's really sad to see but there are fairly large number of cases in our country :(

    You have written it nicely Privy and you brought all the emotions and thoughts what that girl will be having in her mind.

    P.S: Last comment when almost all the people in the world have commented on it :( :P

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment :)

      Your comment is like the icing on this delicious cake as this post is special to me!

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  32. A heart-wrenching tale. Some sections of our society are not against intercaste marriages but against love. They will never understand the power of love. If the girl couldn't be united in matrimony, she choose death to be united with her man.

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    1. Yes Kalpana very true... I wish our society understood this.

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  33. Amazing. I was moved. I hope people of today get this thing and become sensible. I fail to understand how her parents did not feel a thing.

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    1. :)

      Thanks Rachit!!

      I fail to understand a lot of things that keep happening all around us.

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  34. Its really sad that so many people are met with this treatment in our country, mostly girls. I am still waiting for a dawn, just like you Privy.

    Nicely done letter! Thanks!

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    1. Hugs Kajal... I hope when we are old we have some answers to give to our younger generation about this!!

      Thanks dear :)

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  35. Also one imagines the world we live in to hold more value for decisions. Honour killing itself denies a person that liberty...

    Richa

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    1. True Richa... it denies the right to exist!

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  36. Very amazing yet tragic story! These are some incidents which makes me think, whether suicide is really an answer.

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    1. I have also always wondered on these lines... but I am sure suicide is never an answer

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  37. This true story has shaken me. I am revolted when I see parents with such mentality. I wonder what is more important for them,love or their so called honor. Well, it shows that they have failed as parents. I men, its sick.
    vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com

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    1. I agree they failed but it also means we as a society failed. At one side we claim to be in 21st century and on other hand we have girls being killed for no reasons at all.. where is the progress!!!!

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  38. SO many such stories keep floating in news. Not sure Y the parents behave so and not sure Y the people who commit suicide just decide it so easily :( I heard it takes 2-3 attempts to commit one. The horrible memories of few college mates who committed suicide haunts me till date

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    1. If just watching them on TV and reading about it could move me so much I cannot imagine what you must be feeling having known those people personally.... HUGS dear <3

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