A-Lone & Let Down ~ This week
SALT ~ This week ~ A-Lone
I will be honest and confess I broke off with her After all these years of being a tissue for her I was tired and wanted to stop that treatment. By calling myself a tissue I mean that I was remembered only when there were tears to be wiped. Smiles never needed Me!!
I feel lonely at times but then I am sure whatever I did was right - both for me and her. Each one of us goes through bad things in life which actually make us what we are. We learn from such experiences and grow as a person. But there are a few handful of people who refuse to let go of those things and continue to wallow in the muddy pool of negativity fishing for people's pity.
Initially I felt very lonely as I had no other friends and it hurt me a lot to do so many things all alone. But as they say time teaches you everything. It surely did teach me the fine act of surviving on your own.
In this entire process I made a new friend - ME. Yes I chose not to wallow in self pity and sent a friend request to Me. We went out for movies together, shopping trips, dinner dates and a whole lot of other things which resulted in endless fun and I realised one day I was no longer lonely.
Alone I was, but not lonely. If someone were to ask me what is loneliness, I would say-
It is the feeling of despair you get when you log into your Face Book account which has 100+ friends and know that not one of them is genuinely interested in knowing how you are.
It is the hurt you feel when you wish all the contacts in your address book on their birthday; but barely a handful remember to wish you.
It is the expression you have on your face when your phone book memory shows 95% in use and 5% free but in reality the reverse is true.
And being alone is a state of being where you are not surrounded by people, but are still at peace with yourself, with your head held high ready to face any storm that life might send your way.
Lesson Learnt : Be your own best friend, for that is the beginning of a lifelong affair which has no heart breaks.
PEPPER ~ This week ~ Let Down
Entire this week there were various instances where I was let down by few of my very close loved ones. The hurt was too much for me to bear. Because all the while I felt I did not deserve this. I had done everything that I could in my capacity for them and the result I get is this treatment.
I spent days and nights wondering the reason behind this. Analysed , reanalysed stuff... did a lot of self introspection but to no avail. I cried a lot, went on long walks to undisclosed locations as I just wanted to be cut off from the rest of the world.
Being apart from everything I realised one thing. It is not them who let me down. Its me who did that. I let myself down by expecting from those people and ended up hurting myself. Today I am the one who is upset and is spending sleepless night whilst those people are sleeping cozily.
I need to understand that my happiness or pain is solely in my hands. I gave them the right to hurt me which they utilized to the maximum. Then what am I complaining for? I gave them a weapon to use and they did. It is me who needs to protect myself and not fret about the wound that weapon causes or not give them the weapon at all. It is wrong to expect them not to react with a weapon in hand.
I understood that letting someone down, or being let down by someone is the same as the only person who is hurt is YOU in this process.
Lesson Learnt : Being let down by someone is a way to show you your true worth which was wrongly assessed by you till now. Learn it like a lesson, remember the pain and move on, for it serves no other purpose. Don't let someone be the sole reason for your happiness or tears.