Forgive & Mourn ~ This week

SALT ~ This week ~ Forgive 

In the last week few people very close to me choose to hurt me. I say choose because I strongly believe each one of us has the option of choosing between love and hurt in about everything that we do.

To forgive is something that I have always believed in very strongly, as I cannot carry its baggage and continue living in peace. I am very quick in saying ‘It’s ok’ if you ask me. But when it comes to forgetting I am ghastly. I somehow feel that all that happened happened to teach me something and if I forget what happened I will forget the lesson too. So I carry a huge bag of lessons learnt all around with me everywhere that I go along with the baggage of guilt for it having happened to me. And then I reach a stage where its weight eventually bogs me down.

The recent turn of incidents taught me something more important than forgiveness and that was forgiving my own self. I always blame myself for everything that happens to me as I feel I am responsible for all that happens around me. If someone hurts me it is my fault as I let that person hurt me. If someone cheats on me, it’s my fault for having trusted someone wrong. If I am taken for granted I am to be blamed as my something in my behavior must have given that signals. The list is long and the blames endless!!

I realised that all this while I had been wrong in thinking like this. It is not my fault entirely and even if it is, it is OK. It is OK to make a mistake as that is how you learn but it is important to forgive myself as that is how you live. As forgiveness lets you see things in new light once again and relieve you of the painful burden of all your mistakes. It is this forgiveness which eventually turns into your strength to face things head on. So this week I chose to forgive myself and let go of all my baggage. The results were spectacular. I was able to face those very people with lot of grace and it did not tug my heart at all to think of all that had transpired ever in the past. There was no feeling in my heart about that person or that incident - neither hatred, not anger, pity or love. Finally I had learnt the lesson and I let go.

And I would like to give the credit of this lesson to none other than my BFF – Mr. Google! After life if someone has taught me anything it has to be him. No wonder people unofficially call me a doctorate in Google. 

Lesson Learnt : It is OK to make a mistake as that is how you learn but it is important to forgive as that is how you live. Forgiveness is a gift worth giving not only to others, but also to yourself.

PEPPER ~ This week ~ Mourn 

As you would all have read in my recent posts, I have been going through some turbulent times in the recent few weeks. Some old problems resurfaced again adding to the new ones which had just come up. Though as a person I should have gotten used to my already existent problems, but at times it just gets too much to handle. As a result of which I crumbled down beneath its weight.

I have a very weird way of dealing with such things; weird cause that is how it has been always referred to by people around me. Anytime I face a problem which upsets me very much I got into my shell. I belong to the tortoise mentality where I prefer to withdraw in my shell till the time I feel comfortable to come out again. I mourn the entire issue till the time my heart says I am fine.

I never try to push myself to stop crying or lamenting the hurt. Rather I let all the emotions come out freely. Be it crying, anger, hurt, disappointment everything. I take my own time to heal myself of all the hurt that I have been through.  If there is a song which is making me cry as it reminds me of good old times I would hear that song on repeat mode. I would go through all the gifts/ letters / emails/ cards associated with it again and again. I write long letters never to be sent. I run like crazy to vent out my frustration. 

I do all this to let my pain go the deepest level it can as after that level is a state of numbness where there is no pain to be felt. There is a weird sense of calm as it all sinks it and there is no pain left to feel. After this I close that issue and I am back to normal. Neither that person nor the incident can shake me again. I am able to deal with it completely neutrally without letting my emotions go haywire.

This helps me reach a stage where when someone asked me hope things are fine now, I could reply with a smile, ‘I don’t know about things, I am surely fine now. Things continue to be the way they were!’. I believe mourning is very important as trying to pretend as if nothing has happened leads to a lot of bitterness in the heart which then comes out at various instances on different people.

It is very necessary to make peace with it as your bitterness is not something everything should be a victim of for no fault of theirs. As my favourite author Paulo Coelho says ‘If you are brave enough to say a Good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello’, I take a deep breath, smile my brightest smile; wave a good bye to the problem and turn around to say hello to a new episode. 

Lesson Learnt : We treat our body with so much of respect. We go to a doctor in case there is any problem and we take care of our physical appearance as well. It is equally important to treat our emotions with respect. Everything that we feel is a part of us and it has to be dealt with a lot reverence. Never try to bury them somewhere deep down as they will keep coming up again and again. Remember only the dead can be buried and you are trying to bury them alive. Bring them to an end with dignity. Listen to what your heart says and one day it will begin to listen to you!


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