Letting Go...

‘Make peace with your past so that it won’t spoil the present.’

Many a times we keep running away from the dark shadows of our past as we find it too difficult to bear with them. And then one day we magically gather the courage to face it. We are tired of running around and decide to bear with the consequences, whatever they are. It is very mysterious how we get the courage but after that we are no longer scared of anything. We are fearlessly staring into a beautiful tomorrow which is full of endless possibilities.  An endeavor to bid farewell to a painful past…as we need to let go of a few things in our life to create space for new and better things to enter.

To
~ The Memories of A Painful Past ~

 We met. We fell in love. And it all began.
We fought. We screamed. And it all ended.

Source: Google Images
Or so I thought. It was not. It never did for you as you choose to make my life worse than hell with each passing day. The humility and embarrassment you made me go through each time is unimaginable.  What is my fault I asked each time and got the answer ‘YOU’.
I drew my heart on a piece of paper for you. 
You tore it into pieces and threw it away as if it did not matter anymore. 
I tried to put those pieces together again but every time my tears washed them away. 
Tired of trying so many times I left it that way – shattered.

Time and again as I tried to gather the scattered remnants of my life you would come back like a storm to blow it away. The hurt you gave me was too much to bear. I tried a lot to forget the pain you gave me. But it simply refused to go. It pinched me, hurt me, and gnawed me till I bled.

Every time you tore me apart I managed to stitch myself together. I will continue to do this till either of us loses our strength. This war is not fun as you seem to have only one way of hurting me while I seem to come up with new ideas every time to come back with vengeance. I want to see who wins – my fear or my hope. You keep fueling my fear while I will do that for my hope and wait for the mystery to unfold.

Life showed me a path full of love and care,
Treading on which I had to dare,
I realized it was a trap luring me away,
I had come away so far that and there was nothing more to say;
I chose to believe……..

It broke my belief and shattered my dreams,
Took away my laughter leaving behind my muted screams,
My tears refused to dry as I did nothing else but cry,
I had lost everything and had no glimmer of hope- but still;
I chose to forgive…….

A battered soul, a broken heart,
A string of memories tearing me apart,
I failed badly even though I had tried,
What should I do I asked God and cried;
I chose to forget…….

“Enough was enough” I thought and decided to end this at last,
It was a question of my survival-I had to let go of my past,
Looking at myself I was aghast,
Beginning a new life, forgetting all the pain;
I chose to arise again…….

Life was jeering at me, making scary faces,
Showing me thumbs down at all possible places,
As it wasn’t enough it tried to pull me down,
Giving me the option of crying or being a clown;
I chose to smile…….

People sniggered at me and called me names,
They thought it was me to be blamed,
No answers only questions everywhere,
Whatever was happening was just not so fair;
I chose to move on…….

God had given a second chance to me,
I will prove myself for everyone to see,
Put a brave face though my heart cries,
From the ashes like the phoenix I will rise;
I chose to live………

~ From~
The Yet-to-be created Memories 
Of 
A shaken but confident future
-*-*-*-*-*-

P.S:-> My apologies to you all - Leonardo ,Going beyond the pages, jaish_vats, IQ , Rahul Miglani ; by mistake I deleted your comments before publishing them. :( ........I tried to retrieve it from my trash can but could not publish it hence pasting each of your lovely comments here and replying to them. My truly heartfelt apologies for this stupid mistake. Just want each one of you to know, your comments are truly appreciated, valued, loved and looked forward to always! I am really Sorry....

This post has been published in Kaleidoscope magazine's December issue. 

Comments

  1. @ Leonardo

    Okay, this is for me. I needed to read this! Needless to say, I LOVED IT! Every single word drips off innumerable profound feelings which every true person in love will surely have felt. The pain, the hurt, the misery, the fear, the hope, the courage, the faith, the belief, all summed up in this beautiful straight-from-the-heart post.

    This is something I always have wanted to write, but never could. I always ended up making all my posts on the darker side. But as in retrospection, Me always brings out the positive out of the darkest cave.

    I know this ain't a fiction, and has a bit of real feelings and experience hidden behind words. I may say all that which explains you that time might help you overcome the pain and yes, you'll forget all this misery you're going through, but I won't say that, for you know all of that. I just want to say, you're doing a really good thing by venting out your pain through words. It helps you, and then it helps a lot many like me.
    And lastly, I think hope always wins, for fear is much easier to be overpowered. :)

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    Replies
    1. Hey Leo, I am glad you loved this.:D

      Well this is not only for you or for me, but for each one of us who have loved and lost. You are right when you say it is not fiction. But yes I have learnt to deal with this now. It took me a lot of time but today I can say I have. It has taught me many things and most importantly it has taught me to value people more because I would never want to give that hurt to anyone which I experienced. Voicing out things really help and our blogs are witness to that. Looking back at negativity does not help in the long run specially when all that you can see is footprints of that person who has walked away long back. The footprints scream to tell you its high time you did that too. And that is when this comes out from the heart...Let Go and Move on....

      Thanks so much for listening to every beat of this straight from the heart post....!!

      Delete
  2. @ goingbeyondthepages

    Nothing can be so heart felt and poignant than this. Beautiful.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Jas... I seriously loved this comment of yours!!!

      Delete
  3. @ jaish_vats

    Beautiful ...Touching...I wrote similar last lines just a week ago :) ...http://jaishwrites.blogspot.sg/2012/07/elixir.html

    Phoenix would have mystified many a poet on earth :)

    Take Care :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a ton dear, yes you are right. Phoenix does mystify each one of us... rushing to read your post NOW....

      TC

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  4. @ IQ ©

    I think your labels say it all. Inspirational, and motivational.

    Profound and beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D

      Lovely comment- Loved your observation. Thanks a ton!

      Delete
  5. @ RAHUL MIGLANI

    Nice Post I must say !

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  6. Wonderful.Spinning magic with sensible words.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Rudraprayaga for such a sweet comment!

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  7. Replies
    1. Thanks so much - a comment from you truly means a lot!

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  8. I agree..! Your words just drew me in :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Ghazala, I am glad :)

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  9. You have conveyed a powerful thought in a wonderful and touching way:)
    Yes we have to move on, it is very diffcult though to do that. I loved this so much Me, so much depth in each of the lines.

    The best one was
    “Enough was enough” I thought and decided to end this at last,
    It was a question of my survival-I had to let go of my past,
    Looking at myself I was aghast,
    Beginning a new life, forgetting all the pain;
    I chose to arise again…….

    I've taken a print of this, i want to carry this with me always:)
    Thanks Privy for this!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww...It is my honour to read that you want to carry this with you always.

      Thanks so much Gayu for such a wonderful comment... I guess the pain and the agony I felt at that time came out in the form of words. And yes you are true, there is time to hold on and then there is a time to move on and let go....

      Delete
  10. Privy,Really no words to say how i felt..My mini celebrity u r awesome...The post is theeeeee besttttt..Indeed!! Beautifully written.

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    Replies
    1. OMG.... I am doing the happy dance right now as I read this comment. Thanks so much Priyanka... :D

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  11. Loved each word of this post PT. So emotional. Words are not enough to praise.
    I certainly wish your hope will win over your fear.

    So humble PS. Mark of a great personality. Cheers :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Mak, this was really touching comment. I genuinely felt bad about that deletion hence the PS. Cheers!!

      Delete
  12. Marvelous! The pain, the emotions, everything is in the right amount. A beautiful read!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, I am touched at reading this comment from you :)

      Delete
  13. It may have been for Leonardo, but I was reading my own story here - beautiful. Sniff sniff.

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    Replies
    1. I guess it is for each one of us who has loved and lost sometime in life.. There comes a time in life when we need to stand up for ourselves and chose... Glad you could relate to it !

      Delete
  14. Oh, so thankfully far, far in the past, but I have been there. The best decision I ever made was to walk away, forgive, and not look back.
    Beautiful, poignant post, my dear!
    Blessings!

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    Replies
    1. Yes you are right...that was the best decision you took or perhaps what anyone could have ever taken. Thanks so much for your lovely comments!

      Delete
  15. Amazing read....We all can relate it to own life.....Truly agree that once you have accepted and let go of the past , the fear, the pain vanishes away and u rise all over again to start a fun filled beginning....Magical words with powerful effect privy....Loved it thoroughly.....i have lot to learn from you:))

    ReplyDelete
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    1. :o)

      Glad you liked it so much. I agree to you. Each one of us has been there at some point of time and moved on to reach here.

      You are being very kind in saying that you need to learn from me.- I firmly believe each one of us has something to learn from everyone around.

      Delete
  16. Wow... that was powerful! I realized half way through I was holding my breath!

    "I will rise" "I choose to live" ...there is hope in those words! wishing you peace and comfort.

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    1. That was really a very beautiful comment Amy@mommetime :)

      Thanks you so much for your wishes and being here today!

      Delete
  17. This is really intense and so real - because I've felt it all too and thankfully managed to break free. It seems like you have too and I applaud you.

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    1. Thanks Corinne, yes the feelings were very intense and I am glad I could manage to move on from thee.

      Delete
  18. Profound, heart rendering and touching.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I could be reading my own story here...wonderful and beautiful, thank you for sharing...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much jan neel. I am glad you could connect with it and liked it so much.

      Welcome to my blog, and hope to see you here more often!

      Delete
  20. Privy - this is incredibly poignant and real. I cannot help but see both sides of a painful story in that a person deep in the trows of obsessive mental illness would be so sociopathic as not to see the pain they cause, and the victim could not possibly recognize the depth illness projected on them.

    It is a delicate dichotomy that is painful at best.

    I wish you peace. Very compelling and well written.

    Be well,
    Ron

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    Replies
    1. Ron, your comment is so touching. Yes, your are right..the pain was on both the sides..and when that pain reached an unbearable state thats when perhaps I was able to write this.

      Thanks for your wishes :)

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  21. As others before me have said.. I was holding my breath reading my own story... only you are a few steps further then me.. I have not as of yet learned to let go of the pain of the past.. maybe someday ...As always...XOXOXOXO

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    1. Welcome here Bongo,

      You are true in saying that many of us don't learn to let go of the pain...it takes time. A lot of time. In my case it took me 5 looong years to reach a stage where I could even think of it without crying. So I can truly understand you state of mind right now. I just wish you happiness and sending hugs to you.

      TC

      Delete
  22. I am truly inspired by your poetry!
    I loved these lines...

    " Life was jeering at me, making scary faces,
    Showing me thumbs down at all possible places,
    As it wasn’t enough it tried to pull me down,
    Giving me the option of crying or being a clown;
    I chose to smile……."


    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Saloni, it feel really great to hear your words could be inspiring...thanks so much!!

      Delete
  23. My story too so very real to read. One day at a time I tell myself. Love, hugs and blessings.

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    1. Thanks Suzy, I guess when the going gets tough the tough really do get going... sending hugs to you too!

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  24. that is again a great post!!! It is so hard for me to let go. I can forgive so easily but letting go is so different

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    1. Thanks so much Nikky. I agree letting go is very hard..but someday we have to as otherwise it is like a fire which will even burn us down...

      Forgiveness is an amazing quality to have which I truly appreciate!

      Delete
  25. Such a an emotional poem...i was feeling low after i read it...As i analyzed the story and the poem and personal experience...it's more the memories that hurt the most...it's very hurting as we cling on to the past...without even trying to move on in life...we give our past to hurt us...and it does every time...as we allow them to hurt us...but if we try to move on with whatever we got...and live life the way it is...life is much more than those pain,tears and those gloomy faces...!!!

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    Replies
    1. Perfectly said!

      I had written this post long after the hurt was healed as before that I could not even talk about it with so much ease. Yes it hurts but then it is this hurt which has made me what I am today and I would not want to change anything about my life today. Touchwood but I am very happy the way I am today and it is thanks to all the wrong people I met in my life before!

      I can understand this kind of leads you to a melancholy but for me this spells hope - hoping of leaving things behind and finally moving on.

      And yes you are absolutely right - life is much more than those pain, tears and those gloomy faces. It is beautiful and I madly love it!

      Delete
    2. That's the way for life...to love your life as if there is no tomorrow...!!!

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    3. Perfect..... very truly said!

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  26. I've no words to tell you, how beautiful this is. Stay strong and keep smiling. And always be this wonderful human you are :)

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