Experience & Remember ~ This week
SALT ~ This week ~ Experience
In my previous job I had been summoned to my head office for induction training on the first day itself. I was introduced to one and all along with my name and location for them to identify. The first person reacted, ‘Oh, you have joined him!’ the emphasis being on him. It continued as I went about meeting one after the other. By the time it was all over I was in a state of shock as to why had each one of them reacted so similarly for my new colleague.
In the evening as my boss sat with me for a meeting the first thing she said was ‘So what’s going on in your mind?’ I just managed to smile as I did not know what to say. She further added “I know it’s a bit unnerving to listen to these kind of comments about your colleague with whom are supposed to work as a team. I will neither deny those statements nor ratify them. Rather I have only one thing to tell you - Please don’t judge him by what others have got to say. Go with a blank mind and form your opinion. This will help you in the long run.”
I came back to my duty the next day with lot of questions in my mind but only one answer to all of them – Form your own opinion. These 3 words truly helped me not only in dealing with all that came my way professionally but also in personal life.
I learnt that the person in question, my colleague was a stickler for precision when it came to work because of which he was perceived as a high headed and over demanding person. When the work was delivered to his satisfaction he was a fabulous person to work with, highly supportive in nature and encouraging in terms of deliverables. The work atmosphere was healthy and hence enjoyable too.
During that period I also learnt that it is wrong to judge any one based on other’s opinion. That person was bad for everyone but to me he was a wonderful mentor and till date we share a great camaraderie. My boss’s words really made it easier for me to work and accept him with his flaws. Everyone has some flaws it’s up to us to accommodate basis that and work around the same to ensure optimum results.
These 3 magical words have transformed the way I look at people around me as well. Every time I hear anything about anyone close to me I choose not to believe them and rather form my own opinion based on my experiences as it could vary.
Lesson Learnt: Never believe what you hear, rather go by what you see and experience to form your own opinion.
PEPPER ~ This week ~ Remember
Couple of weeks ago I had a very bad argument with a loved one wherein that person used language which was worse than harsh. It hurt me – yes. I cried a lot, maybe for days or weeks together. But today I am perfectly normal in my behavior with that person. Someone close to me finds this very perplexing but I have only one logic -I somehow can very easily forgive but not forget.
I have read somewhere that the definition of forgiveness in your mind is set because of all that you have seen around you as a child. If your parents are forgiving and forgetting then you imbibe those qualities. Forgiveness is something I have grown up with. For each of my mistake I would not be forgiven till I said sorry but on the other hand they would never forget my mistake. They would remember it and keep reminding me about it as well.
As I grew up I realized that both non-forgiveness and remembering your past mistakes were harmful more so for the relationship rather than anything else. Because if you remember such mistakes and not let that other person also forget it you are as good as not forgiving them. There is a burden that that relationship carries after that, a burden of that mistake making it painful to carry beyond a limit. The choice is ours – to carry unpleasant memories and feel the heaviness or to carry pleasant ones and enjoy the journey lightheartedly.
I choose to forgive for that makes things easier for me and also forget for it makes it easier for the other person. I always ensure the bottom line of love, trust and respect does not change to hate, hurt and deceit for when that happens there is no forgiveness possible. I value that relationship and that person more than that mistake and hence forgive and forget very quickly.
What do you choose? To forgive, to forget or both?
Lesson Learnt: Forgive and forget is a very integral part of a relationship for both the people involved. Giving one and withholding the other is like giving a lock without the key. Remember the love shared rather than the hurt as it makes existence easier.