Diary of a Lost Wanderer

Source: Google Images Sometimes in life, there is no right and no wrong; as long as you just keep moving on! At times in life we all reach a crossroads where the only thing that is clear is confusion. We don’t know what to do, where to go and yet we stand there staring at the both the possibilities trying to hear them speak and give some signal. Last few months were like such crossroads for me where if I craned my neck all I could see was a dead end. That sight was enough to scare me off and make me just stand like without moving an inch. But as they say beyond your comfort zone lays your courage zone. I dared to take a step forward and it all fell into place. Sharing some of those beautiful memories those crisscross ways of life left me with before I take another turn towards a new beginning: 

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images The noise of firecrackers constantly kept attempting to drown their laughter unsuccessfully. After all what do you expect when a bunch of friends meet after what can easily be called “a long time”. There is lot of catching up to done, loads of gossip to hear and know, most importantly trying to cover up on the lost time in between! Sheena, Raj, Mrinal, Het and Naureen – childhood friends, neighbours, grown up together were today much more than what they all had dreamt of in childhood. They had planned this get together after a lot of battling for time and still Naureen’s absence was copious. 

“A tattoo is a true poetic creation, and is always more than meets the eye. As a tattoo is grounded on living skin, so its essence emotes a poignancy unique to the mortal human condition.” ― V. Vale

Dear Diary,  Today it happened again; the same humdrum, the same voices, the same sounds and the same fear. As I sit here, huddled in a corner the voices just keep getting stronger and stronger. I wonder from what these voices get their strength from. The blames start pouring in after a while and the routine just gets a little lengthier today.  Every time such things happen I get scared to an extent that it surpasses my fear of lizards, one of which is just staring at me from the ceiling just a few meters away from my hideout. And surprisingly it doesn’t freak me out, the way it usually does. Maybe it is the hatred mixed with fear that makes this possible; hatred so strong that at times I can smell it. I dislike that strong pungent odor that nauseates my senses.

In continuation to previous parts Part 1 |  Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 Later that night 10 pm, Aisha’s residence  Aisha nursed a drink in her hands lying on the couch letting her mind go through each and every incident once again. It felt like a film being played in her mind on loop. The ringing of the doorbell broke her flow of thoughts making her get up to open the door.  “ Hey….Beautiful” Jimmy’s gruff voice greeted her.  “Cut the crap will you? And come in quickly.” Aisha said in an irritated tone.  Dressed in a casual t-shirt and jeans Jimmy oozed oomph. Towering at 6’1” he complimented Aisha’s demure looks perfectly with his chiseled features and toned body. Brushing past Aisha he strode in and plumped down comfortably on the couch. Helping himself with a drink he said, “ Cheers sweetheart it is time for celebration now! ” He raised the drink in a toast when he noticed the deranged expression on Aisha’s face.  “Why are yo...

In continuation to Part 1 | Part 2 |  Part 3 Unaware to both of them the investigative team head Shekhar was having a sleepless night as he tried to decipher all that had been decoded before him. It was a huge blunder on his team’s end to have named Aisha without cross verifying things and it could also lead to them losing their jobs.  Thirty seven year old Shekhar Subramaniam had been heading the investigative team at Zeus for about half a decade now and never had such a thing happened in the past with him. He was known for his staunch beliefs and rigorous investigations. This whole incident baffled him beyond logic as to how could his whole team end up doing something so ludicrous. He was glad that in the end he had decided to apologize to Aisha, requesting for some more time for investigations albeit this time a bit more cautiously. 

  Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

Today I was in your city. After all these years of fighting an internal battle I finally came there. I kept looking for you the moment I stepped in. Those dusty by lanes, crowded markets, tall rising buildings touching the sky, never ending lines of traffic, honking music all around - I just wanted one glimpse of those familiar looking eyes, those very eyes that had shown me so many beautiful dreams. As the day started I was very confident that by evening I will find you somewhere sitting quietly in a corner with your blue diary and a pen in hand waiting to conjure magic through your words. Every step I took was anticipation mixed with anxiety. The sun set today evening taking along a lot of my hopes. I could not find you. 

Staring at the blue sky, I wonder what clouds are made up of?  Some dreams, some desires and loads of aspirations!  Clouds is what they seem, bubbles is what they are,  Bubbles of joy, bubbles of pain, and bubbles of love…  One touch and they go BOOM!  Life is after all a bubble,  Live, bubbly, bursting with energy. Inviting, alluring and enticing,  One look and you want to hear its secrets.  But one step closer and you see the fangs that come along with those secrets.  The question is are you willing to move ahead and burst that bubble, Letting out all that needs to be heard?

  The scorching heat at 3 pm in a summery afternoon could not deter the enthusiasm of three sparkling silhouettes walking down the deserted road. Giggling with inundated joy their laughter could be heard across the street. They could have easily passed off as any other teenager had it not been for their school uniforms giving away their real identities. From a distance they seemed like Siamese twins glued together at the hip walking together step after step. What else do you do when you are a teenager? Life seems to be one long party full of fun and frolic with your best friends all around.  You just know your world is full of rainbow colours; sweetness of chocolates filling it and abundant beautiful dresses to doll you up. Love and relationships take a different meaning altogether now making you look at everything around including yourself in newer light. Striding ahead arm in arm they all made an endearing picture. Distinct in many aspects yet something uniq...

Source: Google Images There are times in life when moments no longer seem moments, they become magic as they have the ability to turn your ordinary life into extra ordinary in a jiffy making you feel blessed. Since last one year I have been blessed enough to have witnessed such moments many a times which I have been sharing here as well. Today I am back once again with more such moments to share with you: 

Source: Google Images Having written so much about all that happened in the last few months and making it so evident (with my absence from blogosphere) today I want to share some very beautiful lessons that phase left me with. For I believe everything in life happens for a reason, though we might not know it right now. We will definitely know it at the right time. As of now the time is right to bask in the magic of the lessons this phase has brought along: 

Life for me is like this - black and white. I choose to believe it so and no there are no greys for me! Yes there are few darker moments where the pain was more than joy and some lighter ones where joy was in abundance. Overall, my life is beautiful with its intricate small moments like these designs and it makes me smile with pride everytime I look at it.  P.S: Yesss!!! I made this!

It is said -   Happiness is a choice which you need to make. Happiness  never chooses you, you choose it and when you do that it stays forever giving you new reasons everyday to smile. Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

आज कुछ यादें बटोरी।  अजीब  लगता है न , यादें बटोरना ? रोजमरा की जिंदगी मैं हम इतने मशरूफ़ हों जाते है की हम यह भूल जाते है , आखिर जिंदगी दी गयी है यादें बटोरने लिए।  इसलिए जब कभी कोई हमसे पुछता हैं " और क्या कर रहे हो आज़ कल ?" हम मुस्कुराके बस यही कह देते है , " यादें बटोर  रहे है।   " उनके आश्चर्यचकित चेहरे देखे लायक होते है। कोशिश करके देखिएगा कभी।  न ना , ऐसे जवाब देके नहीं , बल्कि यादें बटोर कर। Translation: Today I collected some memories. Feels weird right, to collect memories. In our day to day life we forget the fact , that life is actually a gift to gather some of the most beautiful memories. That is the reason when someone asks me " And what are you upto these days?" I just smile and reply " Gathering memories." The expression on their face is priceless. Do try it someday. No, not giving this as an answer but to gather some memories.

To  ~The lost part of my soul~  Source: Google Images

 

Source: Google Images Off late a lot of gratitude posts have been doing round on Facebook and yes I caught up with me too. First I thought of just writing it there but as everyday I began to think of what I was grateful for today I realized how many things have happened in the last few months that I did this exercise with myself. Life has it's own ways of sending beautiful reminders our way to just let us know what we have got. And that is what got me thinking since past few days. The above picture explains my current situation the best for that is how I am feeling after making this gratitude list. A lot has transpired in the last few months , some good, some super good, some awesome, some okay and some not so good. I wouldn't like to tag anything as bad for I believe that there was worse that could have happened but didn't and for that I am eternally thankful to the Almighty and hence just tagging it as not so good.

~ To ~ The pink coloured sequined saree wearer whom I met last week   Source: Google Images

I have always called myself an eternal dreamer and a person who simply loves letters. So when this 30 days-30 letters prompt came up at my friend Count Santulan 's blog I was tempted. After too much of dillydallying today when the prompt asked us to write a letter to our dreams, the dream catcher in me JUST had to do it. After almost a brief hiatus there is nothing better than this to come back to blogging : Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images Happiness is winning an award for it reminds you - How loved you are!

  The roses are long dried, but the fragrance still lingers on reminiscent of the beautiful memories it holds within waiting to be re-opened on days when the grey skies of despair surround me.

Source: Google Images Sometimes I wish I was a tree ~  Dancing in the breeze  Singing with the birds  Sharing secrets with the clouds  Talking to the sky  Drenching in the rain  Shining in the sun  Whispering to the winds  Romancing the moon  Playing with the lightening  Twinkling with the stars  Smiling to say I belong to you P.S: This poem has been published in Writer's Ezine July 2014 issue HERE

Source: Google Images